I had weaned myself off entirely of all my anxiety medications. I have been doing so good. But now after telling my manager some of the things going on, my anxiety is through the roof. I feel like everything is going to get shitty starting tomorrow. Even though manager D dosent work for two more days. I feel like the manager i did talk to will have left a note or something in their group communications between all the managers about it. I mean its not just me having issues. The other part time people are all feeling that. And it dosent matter if you feel like i do or dont deserve the position im in. Im in it, and making my life more stressful isnt going to help me, or you or anyone. The thing is. I know shes not like this with anyone. And i KNOW its not because im new OR that im in the full time position. Another man, C started SAME Day i did, hire date the same. Is full time in his department and she laughs and jokes all the time with him. Shes his fav manager. So i KNOW its not that im in a position i dont deserve or full time right off the bat, Because C is as well. I hope this is followable. In any event. I was crying last night because im having an anxiety attack. I cant sleep and the husband turns it around into a you dont wear lingerie and come on to me argument. I just gave up and cried till i passed out. Life isnt all sunshine and rainbows. I mean i have been doing SO good, I have my down moments but usually when im on my period and im more hormonal. But now im just an anxiety ridden ball of want to cry because i have to go back and i feel like im going to have nothing but headaches because i do feel that shes going to have said something between managers. And its not like im a stoic person. Im pretty emotional.
But when my husband comes into my work and shes sweet and friendly and loving. But if im with him and shes like an ice cube to me. Just basic hello and goodbye. Even HE notices something is off.
Im chatting with one of my part time co workers on fb right now, and told her what was up. Its like. If i have to be the voice for these kids too. Im going to have to buck up, take my anti anxiety and start being the voice. I may cry my way through it. Eventually ill get stronger about it. I hope. No i know i will.... But back on the anxiety meds i go. Because that is how ill get through this confrontation.