The stress keeps on coming. in Since OD is shutting down....

Okay so since my daughter is out sick again for the week, I tried to take her with me to my job interview where I was told they were confident I would have childcare for work since I didn’t for the interview. I am truly so tired of never having a sitter. Ugh, I literally am just at my wit’s fucking end with this.

I took her into the dr again today. They checked her urine and said it looked okay for one thing and her blood work where her white blood cells are just fine. The dr says she’s constipated which can lead to the constipation so I’m to give her Miralax everyday to do a reset on her tummy and then give her half a capful everyday to keep things flowing smoothly. I honestly thought she was fine because she’s very regular but her poops are like deer turds so we have to get her feeling better.

My Mom asked if I needed anything from Walmart but I told her I would meet her up there since my kid wanted to see her. We were in there walking around when my brother called saying my Grampa had a stroke, can’t swallow on his own and is going on comfort care. My Dad of course isn’t compassionate at all and was obviously uncomfortable when I asked my Mom when we were going to see him to which she responded, “IDK” and it’s like well he’s dying so we don’t have much time left. I never have a sitter so I can’t go unless there’s someone to hang out with my kid because we have to go in 1 at a time.

I got a text from her tonight saying we will probably go Monday or Tuesday and it’s like why not tomorrow? He doesn’t have much time left and I’d really like to see him one more time and say goodbye! I’m going to be very upset if I don’t get that. I don’t know why she always wants to put things off. I wonder if it’s because of my Dad! Again, I’m not sure why the fuck we are STILL allowing him to control shit! I just wish she would grow a fucking backbone somewhere down the line! My GOD!

It’s like my Dad isn’t ever going to stop until he gets her all to himself. I haven’t seen much of my Mom in the past 15 years since I flew the coop and I’m just really tired of him constantly putting a damper on her spending time with anyone other than him! He’s always been like this and at some point, I’m going to blow up! He just doesn’t have any regard for any human life at all!

I honestly thank God every day that I’m single and there ain’t no motherfucker telling me what to do! I am just too fucking headstrong for that. I like making my own choices and doing what I want! I just don’t get her need to be with someone just so she ain’t alone. Then while we were at Walmart, I noted she used her card to pay for all their stuff so once again, he’s going to help her burn through all her money so that makes it harder for her to leave, just like before. The financial abuse needs to fucking end!

Anyways, my day was super fucking stressful and I’m glad I at least got my car tags and won’t have to worry about that for a year. It’s just so hard never having a sitter. I honestly don’t wish that upon anyone! It’s absolute bullshit that I have NO ONE to rely on, EVER! It just blows me away that my family is here, her ‘Dad’ is here and his family and yet, I completely parent all on my own every fucking day. I would fall over dead if there was any effort made from him or his family! But no, he just sit there playing the victim when he’s left me with a lifetime of responsibility!

I just have so many things to say but it would take all the time in the world to type it all out. It doesn’t matter anyway because it wouldn’t change anything.

As far as my job situation goes, I’m going to see about my daughter feeling better and won’t be coming home early so that’ll help some but she has a break here soon for about 10 days and then will have Summer break starting in May. If my Mom was allowed to be consistently I could at least do Doordash some but I’m probably not going to worry about working through the Summer because then I have to put her in daycare and go through that headache all over again.

But then school will resume in September and then I’ll just work in her school hours. I have a bunch of things planned over the Summer since I won’t be able to work and actually enjoy the warmer weather and be able to take my kid to all the stuff we’ve missed out on over the years.

I’m glad that Biden finally signed for the stimulus so we can have that money. I plan to bank all of it except to fix some stuff on my car and buy a new phone.

More later.