Vent in Current Events

It’s a little weird to wake up and not have all that added worry and dread about unemployment. I feel kind of lost but for a good reason. Work is going well. I can tell that my supervisor and my team really like me. I’m catching on crazy fast. I did my whole shift yesterday without supervision. I was still learning a lot in between. I am trying to be low maintenance even though their training system is failing me. I’ll give feedback about that eventually. I’m a good sport about it. I work at a home hardware store. A big box one and I know nothing about anything in there and I don’t really have to. Tally used to work at a cosmetics counter and used to be in the same boat. I’ll be a pro soon enough, I assume. It’s my biggest insecurity when customers approach me for help and everything feels like a foreign language to me. My job is not people, it is the products. I’m a vendor but they generally just want to locate something. I can help them if I can but I am supposed to hand them off to a store associate. I finally have a headset so I can call for help. My main issue is just not being useful enough for them, yet.

I had my first wave of customers bombard me for help. I was so flustered. I was already flustered because of an altercation with another customer earlier. Some of these people are sickening, absolutely sickening. Something is wrong with their eyes and their brains. You can be 20 feet suspended on an electric ladder and they’re asking you for help. Some don’t even ask they just start barking at you. You can block out aisles with gates so you can collect pallets from the overhead and these people will push the gates out of the way to walk up to the vehicle to ask for help. I was waving flags around directing a lift vehicle to an aisle and waving customers to get out of the way and these people still approach you for help. I just wanted to beat them with those flags. What the actual fuck is wrong with you? I wasn’t waving these flags around for you to find me! I was flustered because I could not leave and stop what I was doing to help some asshole locate something. It was my first time trying to use the headset to call someone to help him but I couldn’t figure it out. I’m standing there supervising another team member that was standing on a platform to get a heavy and large item from the overhead. I’m telling him to hang on and he’s yelling at me that I’m wasting his time. My team works first thing in the mornings and never on weekends when it is slower to avoid these people. When I had my first moment of being bombarded it was because a lineup formed behind someone who asked me for help. It went alright but it took forever for someone in that department to show up when I called.

So yes, it is frustrating, these customers. The reason for it is because these store associates are impossible. I can never find any help! That’s what everybody had to say to me when I told them I got hired there. Yesterday I felt their pain. Right near the end of my shift, the absolute moment I was going to get off the floor a customer asked for help. It turned out to require a bit of a project to get him what he wanted. I needed to hand him off to a store associate but they all kept refusing to help me. I was so angry. Eventually, I pawned him off but I’m not supposed to be working overtime. Now I know what it feels like for customers to find help I said to him. We laughed together about it. It was actually multiple times I couldn’t get a store associate to help a customer throughout my shift which is exactly their job. Not mine, theirs. I’ll have to be a butt about it and give this feedback to the managers. Another thing that happened was that members of my team were complaining about customers while stocking shelves. I was in the aisle over and could hear them. That was embarrassing. Venting is super healthy but save it for the staff room. None of these employees had to lose their job during the condemic because they are all essential workers. Let’s not act like spoiled brats in the vicinity of customers.

Blah, anyway I don’t really know what to do with my day today. Tomorrow is my first payday and I’ll see where I stand. My mind is adjusting to this new job and my sister is already e-mailing apartment listings and passive-aggressively asking me if I’ve looked at them. I live in their basement and they want me to move. I want me to move. I don’t have it on the front of my mind at this second. The pressure makes me so angry.

These people don’t do anything and they don’t go anywhere. They’re worst than me. I haven’t had the time or space to even exercise in this basement in two weeks now. Like, you have kids. Go to a park, the zoo or go on a playdate. Something! They can go an entire month just staying indoors like a prison. My niece is finally back in school but only twice a week. This tiny house is so crowded I can’t stand it. I need to connect to gratitude because it is better than the streets. Ok, I guess I’ll have to find something to do today. I’ve already got a pounding headache because my niece will not use her inside voice.

I still have some existential dread though. I’m waiting for this condemic to pull the rug from under me again. I get to be an essential worker this time around but the vaccine passports will be the one thing that will ruin it. My child rapist prime minister would absolutely do it. He even scoffs at the lawsuits against him for violating the constitution with these COVID camps, where women are being preyed upon. Alberta is trying to make parents criminally lawful for not vaccinating their children. The government needs to fuck off. The absolute stupidity of people is unreal. They’ll do anything to protect their kids except for research what doctors are putting in them. Absolute idiots. The English language does not have the requisite words to describe how absolutely stupid people are. They literally think you’re ignorant for being the one who educates themself. It’s ignorant to not trust science and the cult doctors but not ignorant to never question it. We’re in the upside-down. Even if the Bible was actual theology and true and God tried to come down here I would protest him coming to redeem us. We are not redeemable. We created all of this, we gotta fix it. Nobody deserves a free pass. Humanity has to redeem itself and fix its own karma. This is the generation that hates children. These idiots want to fight about a plastic potato instead of fighting against child trafficking. Instead of fighting against the government brainwashing children into wanting puberty blockers that sterilize them. Idiots. A 5 year old can’t read Dr. Suess but can make their own medical decisions. I can’t stomach these idiots who voluntarily let any kind of harm come to the most vulnerable. Nobody wants to wake the fuck up and come into their power. Ugh. I gotta stop thinking about it so I can enjoy my day.

I want to have faith in humanity but when I see the shadow work in the collective unconscious it is overwhelming. We don’t function like normal human beings anymore. At all. Just function like programmed software. No cerebral constitution whatsoever. I get it! When you leave one paradigm of information for another the previous one has to die. It hurts, physically, emotionally and spiritually to lose a fundamental belief system. That is why we have cognitive dissonance. Fear is paralytic. I say humanity is in a spiritual deficit because they can’t grow inward at all. Can’t push through a little cognitive dissonance. Can’t do anything without medical help. It just takes simple logic and reason to debunk almost anything but they won’t do it, they won’t rub any brain cells together. Ever. They just go along with the mainstream because they don’t want to be called a conspiracy theorist or anti-vaxxer or whatever else. Everything is fake. It’s so obvious. It’s right in front of us. We are mocked at even. Right to our faces, we are mocked because our eyes are so wide shut. Blah. Over it. Ok, not over it but over it for today.

Last updated March 11, 2021