Vent in Current Events

Employment does not come too easy these days and I am exhausting myself trying to be grateful for the new gig that I have because I am feeling some type of way about it. The training process mostly. I will provide them with feedback soon enough because for a big box store I thought they would have it together. They don’t. I am patient though, I’m a good sport. Their fiscal year just finished, they’ve restructured their online training and they’re in the middle of a seasonal reset. Thus, I have been on the back burner trying to figure it all out on my own. I’m not uninformed which would be fine if I wasn’t waiting for certain items like a tool belt. My pockets can only manage so much. Their phone/scanner situation is a bitch to hold and carry around as I keep pushing buttons. I still don’t have my own login for that phone. The app for my shifts and clock-in is also not set up. I’m also not set up to have and wear a headset yet. That’s the part I want the most. I’m so left out which is peachy keen but when customers ask for something I want the ability to communicate with everyone else. My job is not customers, it is products so I have to hand them over to a store associate and everybody else has the ability to call those associates over. Customers usually just want help locating something and that doesn’t require me to send them away but asking someone quickly where an item is would be nice. There was no walkthrough, no introduction to wear all the exits are, the fire extinguishers, the AED, the eye washing station, the first-aid kit nothing. Blah, I could go on a bit longer but I don’t want to. I just have a headache and I was in a salty mood about it on my way in. At the end of the shift, my team all ended up working in the same department. That was nice. They’re all nice. Well, there is one man I really don’t like. Anyway, the workload itself is easy enough. Customers are pretty menacing though but I get it. The shifts are my favourite time slot, first thing in the morning. Monday - Friday. It pays a few extra dollars more than minimum wage. I am catching on pretty quick though. Blah, I just wanted to vent. I think what they need is someone to delegate the small stuff to. My supervisor is spread too thin. I think the existential dread that I have about work is waiting for the ball to drop again. This time last year I was starting a new gig when con-19 hit and they had layoff %75 of us. The vaccine passports will be what pulls the rug from under me should my government be so bold, That is what I am anticipating. I think most of the speeple, the normies, are wise enough to be hesitant about this lethal injection. So I can have some faith in humanity, even if it is infinitesimal.

I haven’t even had a payday yet and my sister is e-mailing me apartments to look at. Keeps asking me if I have looked at them yet. It feels like a lot of pressure that I’m not ready for. Toni got dumped, not really, but she’s been calling me and because I’m an empath I get to go through a rough breakup too. lol ugh. I am going to Bevs this weekend to watch the second season of His Dark Materials. I’m pretty excited. She’s been so good to me. I made Samosas yesterday so I could give her a bunch. She was bragging to people at work that I was the one who spoils her. Cow.

Anyway, I suppose that it isn’t the content that isn’t working here but the context. I need to connect to gratitude and to things that give me health. That reminds me, I started Beyond Order by Jordan Peterson. Spoiler warning, no lobsters. Just gorillas and rats so far. So yuh, that’s my life at the moment. Not too exciting. What is wearing me down the most is being constantly surrounded by people. This house is pretty full of people who never do anything or go anywhere. We all want space, I do want to get out as soon as I can. I want to be fully trained so I can be hour hungry and get this shift of residence over with. Oh, that man at work that I don’t like, he’s a bigot. I wonder if my dreams about Karamjeet are happening because I know that this man could lose his position if throws those vibes my way. That would get me more hours. That’s not a thought I want to put any energy into. I still have PTSD from Karamjeet, I realized that last year when I was working at the craft store. Always felt like my managers, who loved me, were plotting behind my back. I feel like a betrayal or something is going to ruin this for me now too. Blah. Whatever, work hard, get paid, get out of this house, go back to school and be a Naturopathic Doctor/Apothecary/Nutritionist/Wellness Coach with his own clinic/wellness centre in five - 8 years.