No More Weekend Take Out? in Weight Loss Surgery

Me and my parents now talk more about my weight loss and dieting in general since my surgery. I feel like they’re looking for tips to lose weight themselves (they’re no where near as morbidly obese as I was) and I’m telling them everything the doctor tells me BUT the only reason ANYTHING working for me is because of the shrunken stomach.

You can tell everyone to eat healthy, the right portion sizes and to exercise but when your stomach is the size of a football field, you’re never fully full unless you’ve eaten a whole 4 person meal, instead of just your one serving.

And exercising when carrying extra weight is exhausting and defeating.

And when you think you’re doing your best and your hormones give you no results, of course you give up.

And when you’ve been eating out of emotions, not out of just “healthy fuel for your body” since childhood, you go for the sugar instead of the protein, for comfort.

I’ve been dieting since a pre teen and I’ve only ever gotten bigger when relying on my own mental will power.

What I’m telling them to do now is nothing they haven’t heard before. And the only reason it’s working for me NOW is because half my stomach was surgically removed. I can’t eat more if I tried! If I do try, I vomit. THAT is my solution. Not the diet. The physical restriction of my stomach is why I’m losing weight.

And yes I’m doing my best to be low carb but even if I wasn’t, I’d prob still lose cause I can’t inhale the large amount of calories I used to, and hopefully I never will be able to again!

ANYWAY later in the afternoon, after I hung out with my parents I went house hunting with Will and we let ourselves get tired and hungry. I told him we could order out IF we ordered somewhat low carb - no rice or noodles and not eating the bread if it came with a burger.

He was searching through Grub Hub for something but it’s hard to not feel guilty about ordering out when you’re dieting, so in the end he said he didn’t want to order out and then I felt bad. We do have food at home and so we decided to just do that but it was disappointing.

It’s almost like if you’ve developed an allergy to your favorite foods and then you’re looking through the menu like:
nope can’t have that
can’t have that
shouldn’t have that
there’s nothing at this restaurant I can have!!

I WANT HIM TO SUCCEED but sometimes I feel like I’m being a carb nazi and I know that restriction leads to binging. You have to have everything in moderation. SO after it had been home an hour and we still hadn’t eaten anything I was like “order what you want and I’ll make no judgements on it” and so he said he was ordering Chinese. And I was like, that’s fine, order whatever you want but I’m not gonna order cause I’m not really hungry. So then he didn’t want to order cause I wasn’t and I felt bad again. But I really wasn’t all that hungry and I also have a hard time ordering out when I feel most take out is “bad”.

In the end he had soup and a fish filet and I had a spoon of peanut butter and a protein shake lol.

It’s kinda sad cause weekends was OUR TIME to eat bad. We relished being home together, watching a show or movie, and eating a lot of bad food. Our take out orders were usually over $50. Apps, desserts, mains, etc. Same when we used to go out to eat. We Enjoyed bad food together.

Now that’s kinda gone. We can’t eat like we used to and we feel guilty about ruining our surgery. So that’s gone for us. And it’s kinda sad because we still WANT to, we just can’t.

And I know we will again. It’s not like we’ll never order out. It just wasn’t coming together this weekend.

Emma knows me and Will are avoiding sugar but she doesn’t know about our surgeries. On Friday she asked me if I would eat cake on my birthday (it’s months away) and I said Yes. And I fully plan on it.

But I feel like that’s the right way to do these things. Cake every weekend: no. Cake at a celebration? Yes!

And summer is FULL of celebrations. SO MANY BIRTHDAYS. I don’t act like I’ll NEVER have sweets again. But most weekends at my moms when they have dessert, I decline. They have dessert every day. I have fudgsicles in my fridge right now! Do I eat one every night? No.

I’m trying to figure out this balance…