Jackson and I were talking about how we feel brand new. Both of us have this clean slate to start with and we’re both very excited. I told him that I feel like I have been waiting for him to come into my life so that it can finally start. Now that I have found my person I can move on to the next stage in my life.
I have never been so secure with someone. I know without a shadow of a doubt he feels the same, if not stronger, for me than I do for him. I never thought I would actually find the ONE. I have spent the last 5 or so nights with him because neither of us could stand being apart for no other reason than we have our own beds. * Gags * I know it’s mushy-gushy I’m just so in love I can’t help it.
Last night he had to make a trip for his sister over night and that meant that I had to spend the night alone at my place. Misserable. Driving overnight is dangerous and the thought of something bad happening to him makes me sick to my stomach. I do not know how I would/could possibly handle that. Living in a world with no air.
He made it home safely this morning so I can now catch my breathe knowing he’s snuggled up with his dog at home waiting for me to get off of work. It’s a crazy feeling, falling in love. Especially so quickly. My mom asked me if I think it will burn out and it is strange for me to be confident that our love is lasting. I haven’t been this happy in YEARS and even then, I don’t think I was quite as in love as I am now and I REALLY loved him.
The difference is that I have never felt truly supported by my partner. Jackson makes me feel not only physically safe but mentally/emotionally safe. His feelings are unwavering and I can’t say I have had that in the past. There has always been something getting in the way in my past relationships that has stopped me from FULLY committing to my partner weather that be my partners future goals, their feelings for me, my feeling of security, there has always been something. With Jackson there is nothing standing in our way. It’s an incredibly freeing feeling, mutual love and respect.
At times it feels a little too good to be true. Last night when I was struggling to sleep without him my thoughts ran away from me and the ominous feeling of doubt crept into my mind. What if it isn’t real? What if I’m being used somehow? There’s no way that he feels the same about me as I feel about him! That’s insane to me… Someone loving me unconditionally? How?When I saw him this morning I expressed a little bit of worry to him and he was angry that I, even for a moment, questioned his love. I think it’s that I still need lot’s of reassurance.
Happy Wednesday everyone! if anyone is even reading the craziness that is my internal dialogue.