My nerves are shot. Holding in my anxiety attacks is not healthy. If I could go for a run I would. Maybe I should just try? It’s -50c where I’m at. My city, Winnipeg, has the reputation of being one of the coldest cities in the world. It’s weird to hear that dams in America are frozen up and not working. We’re hydro-powered here and never have that problem. We’re also the murder capital of Canada. We are also the Slurpee capital and have the title of being the most racist. We’re a weird bunch. Anyway, just opening mail is enough to overwhelm and stress me out. Like, it triggers me. I’ll have to push through it eventually. What I did was let myself become radically distracted with other things and now that I’ve distanced myself from those distractions I am left to face what I have been avoiding. Now a small problem turned into a bigger one. I’m so clever and good at sabotaging myself like this. I created a positive feedback loop which conditioned my mind to be afraid of everything. I’ll work it out. I always do. This is my toxic habit. Luckily I’m not attached to worse things. I feel like people would understand me better if I was just an alcoholic or drug addict.
What set my anxiety to its max setting was last week when I discovered that people could not reach me on my phone. It wouldn’t ring or go to voicemail unless it was from another iPhone. A friend told me that her boss was trying to reach me to set up an interview. Was this a problem the whole time? That made me feel some type of way. That managed to sort itself out. I also did have that interview last week and I have a conference call first thing in the morning tomorrow to have a second one. I think it’s going to go well.
I still tossed my resume around some more this morning. There is way more available now that we have permission to buy and sell non-essential items. The last time I started to build momentum toward my goals we got hit with a transfer of wealth. I mean pandemic. It completely pulled the rug from under me and I lost everything. Can’t fix history so I’m just looking forward. Not too far forward, when I think I sink.
I was originally aiming to become a wellness coach and nutritionist. My red pill moment came at the beginning of the transfer of wealth. Google told me that nutrition was fatphobic and that obesity is not a disease but a misunderstood healthy body type. Right in the middle of an alleged pandemic that was only a threat to people with underlying conditions. Common sense and standard intelligence were the first casualties of con-19. Then it was a free fall down the rabbit hole for me and for millions of others. Now I am aiming for a degree in naturopathic medicine, agricultural biotechnology and nutrition. It should only take about five years of schooling. I’ll start learning with mainstream doctors until we branch off. They will learn to be drug dealers with germ theory and I’ll learn how to become a holistic healer with terrain theory, the real theory. The license to practice Naturopathic medicine will silence me, I won’t be allowed to discuss germ theory and vaccines, which are an obvious bioweapon. I would do anything to protect my children except research what doctors are injecting into them.
I randomly get so angry with humanity. Those who voluntarily brainwash themselves. Those who voluntarily harm their children with masks. Those who are voluntarily harming themselves and their children with these vaccines. Those who voluntarily look the other way as we cut seniors off from society. Those who couldn’t care less about what is happening to the seniors behind closed doors. Those who voluntarily let people lose their livelihoods and especially those who demanded more sacrifices for their own safety. God take this one because I am not big enough to forgive these people. How do you just forgive those heartless, inhumane people who are okay with forced isolation camps? Those who voluntarily let governments rape them and their children with these swabs. These feckless humans refuse to evolve past their fake news. Nazism is returning under medical tyranny and we have people who voluntarily do not question it! They honestly believe that a facemask is the cure and not our bodies. I am struggling to find love and forgiveness for these people but I will. I have to. Fear is paralytic, I’ve been there.
I’m already mourning for those people who will be dead in five years or a complete burden on society from this mRNA product. This technology has never worked and that is why there is no liability built into the contracts. We honestly have people in this world who believe that a person is ignorant for not being ignorant. You don’t trust the science you are so ignorant. I can go on forever. I won’t. I am feeling good about this interview I have tomorrow. I just want to get on with my life already.