Stagnation in My life....I can't make this shit up!

It seems we’ve hit a stagnation in my mother’s recovery. There’s minimal recovery going on now. She is still in the ICU and Aetna continues to deny the LTACH. She is still on the CPAP 24/7 and has developed an infection at the Trach and on her sternum. They’re applying antibiotics to the infection directly. The doctor was supposed to be doing a peer to peer today with the insurance company.
Mom has started declining PT and has not done any in almost a week. I bought her an ipad so she can use that easier than her phone. She’s still struggling with her depth perception and dexterity to push buttons on the ipad. I try to videochat her whenever I can, but she doesn’t answer often. Again, its tough. They told her the other day it could be four or five months until she is able to come home.
I’m exhausted. Even on the rare occasion I do sleep at night, I still wake up exhausted. I’m carrying a lot of weight of the whole situation and it’s taking a toll.
We’ve been extra hard on Cameron and he said yesterday that he feels like we yell at him for everything and that he can’t do anything right so he’s frustrated, upset, and doesn’t have much self esteem. I considered his words and feelings and started to feel bad, because I have been tough on him, and I have been yelling a lot. We came up with a Family Safe Word. When he thinks we’re picking on him or yelling for something that we don’t need to yell about he will say our safe word and we will all stop, take a breath, and we will listen to what Cameron has to say.
As adults, we sometimes forget that our stress reflects on the children as well. And I have to remember that my mother has been one of the primary care takers in Cameron’s life as well. We lived with them for years before we met Brian and even after we moved in with him he saw my mother every day. So he’s missing her as well. And going through something this difficult when you’re entering puberty isn’t super easy either.
I’ve been working from home today since there’s no school and I’m working very hard to check myself. I am working on keeping my voice calm and explaining rather than yelling. So far, so good.
I went online and bought some things from his favorite Soccer Team as a little surprise. He’s been working hard to keep his grades up during this time as well.
I’m going to try to call my mother again… :-/