I had to make that decision today.
I got the call at 1915 ish. There were so many alarms going. They were doing CPR and trying to get her intubated.
I cried and told her that I love her and that it was ok that she rest.
They stopped and she was gone. Just like that.
I heard yelling…alarms…even a saw.
I flashed back to those conversations with her.
That was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Logically, I know that is what she wanted, but I still feel horrible. I feel like I should’ve done more.
That’s why I couldn’t be an ER nurse. I could barely do hospice.
I keep telling myself she is pain-free.
But I still feel horrible.
She’s not hurting anymore. She’s with her loved ones she missed.
I still feel guilty for letting her go.