Well, this weekend was disappointing… The girls on the trip did NOT like me. I think they felt threatened by me. Let me just start this out with the statement “I am not being conceited I just think this is the honest truth.”. I already know I am going to say some stuff that is either going to come off conceited or bitchy and I’m giving a warning.
So, I have a lot of feelings about how this weekend went down. I have a few main thoughts and feelings and I am going to address these feelings in this order. First, I am feeling a little gaslit by Kevin and upset about the way his friends treated me. Second, I am feeling extremely grateful for MY friends and how they have treated newcomers. lastly, I am feeling very unsure of how to continue with my relationship with Kevin.
For anyone who wants a definition for Gaslighting, it is: “a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories.”. Kevin made me feel this way and it wasn’t until I got back home and debriefed with my friends that I realized what had truly happened. It started just before we left for the trip. One of his friends flew in early for this trip and went with us to get supplies. I didn’t change my behavior towards him because she was there and that bothered him and he said it made her feel like I was telling her to “back off” or that I was claiming my territory. I am an affectionate person and I touch him. I’m not feeling him up or anything, I’m talking like holding hands or having my hand on the back of his neck when we drive. BASIC couple behavior. She shouldn’t feel threatened because she is just his friend and therefore me touching him should mean NOTHING to her the same way that when my male friends kiss their girlfriends it means nothing to me. Kevin told me that doing this gives her a reason to be rude or standoffish towards me. I don’t think that that’s true but he was making me question myself. He also didn’t like that I asked to sit in the front seat on the way there. Which in my opinion I shouldn’t have had to ask. The girlfriend or S/O should sit up front with their partner. The thing is I only asked because I get really motion sick and I stated that when I made the request. On the trip itself, his girlfriends were very cold and distant from me. I honestly believe a lot of it was due to me being younger and prettier than them. On Saturday we all got dressed up a little bit and the girls were all going to take pictures together. We went outside and everyone got pictures except for me because nobody offered and it would’ve felt forced to ask. When I got back inside, Kevin asked if I liked the pictures I got and I told him what had happened. He was PISSED. He and I went outside and took pictures and he called a couple of the girls out to help us. Later, when I went to the bathroom he chewed them out for being mean to me and they were a little nicer to me, but just barely. This whole thing just doesn’t sit right in my stomach.
After spending a weekend of being treated in a cold or just straight up rude manner I am feeling extremely grateful for MY friends. I brought Kevin with me dancing and EVERYONE was nice and inclusive and asked me about him later on in a nice way. A stark difference from the cold shoulder I received from his friends. I think the girls were also threatened by me because I am not a naturally submissive person. I am not going to change who I am to please other people. When I ran what happened past my friends they were slightly appalled. Mostly, based on the gaslighting I received from Kevin about me being affectionate. Kevin said that I was breaking “social etiquette” which is funny to me because I have a bachelor of science in human communication and I am applying for my master’s in speech and language pathology. I think I know more about social communication than Kevin… I told him this and he brushed it off. I asked my friends if they would have been uncomfortable with me being affectionate with him or vice versa and they said that they wouldn’t be bothered at all. A lot of my friends are male and most of them bring different girls that they are dating around pretty often and I’ve never thought much of the affection they have shown each other. Maybe it’s that I am Hispanic? the cultural difference perhaps? IDK. I do know that when they do bring girls around I try and be extra nice to make them feel welcomed. For example, I compliment their outfit or makeup, I ask them questions, Include them in conversations, I take their side over the men, and if they have been dating for a while I will tell her that they make a cute couple. I would never EVER treat a girlfriend or just a female friend or friend for that matter the way I was treated.
After all of this, I don’t know how I want to continue with Kevin. As I said, the whole thing doesn’t sit right with me. I am a big believer in trusting my gut and my gut feels that there is something really wrong. I always had uncertainty about where I wanted things to go with Kevin and this solidified things for me. We could not be a successful couple after this shit show. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t prioritize me and I especially don’t want to be with someone who is going to make me feel like a crazy person because their ratchet girlfriends feel threatened by me. NO THANK YOU! NEXT! The thing is we are very good friends, and I like spending time with him… I think I might just slowly create some distance between us because I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same way about him again.
If anyone is reading this I think it would be interesting to see what you think… I know there is a lot of details missing but the gist of the situation is here. I also apologize for the terrible grammar.