Something I’m experimenting with- comments and feedback are welcome. This little blurb is all I have so far
SETTING: A FAR AWAY SHOT OF TWO PALATIAL, WELL KEPT HOMES, DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM ONE ANOTHER. AS THE NARRATOR’S VOICE BEGINS, WE BEGIN TO CLOSE IN ON BOTH HOMES
NARRATOR: Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life, whose-
JULIET: Ugh, stop. Just stop right there.
NARRATOR: Excuse me, what?
JULIET: You heard me. Stop talking. This isn’t actually what happened.
NARRATOR: I beg your pardon? Um, forgive me for asking this, but… shouldn’t you be dead?
JULIET: You can beg all you want buddy, but I know what actually happened. I was there. I lived it. I know the truth. Step aside and I’ll tell you all the real story.
NARRATOR: The real story?
JULIET: Yes, the real story. You didn’t actually believe that that fluff PR piece about me falling in live with that shitstain Romeo and killing myself over it was real, did you? (Pause) Oh. You did. Ugh, such a tired narrative. Okay boys and girls, settle in and get comfy, cause you’re about to get schooled.
SETTING: A MONTAGE OF PHOTOS, SHOWING TWO FAMILIES HANGING OUT, BLOWING OUT BIRTHDAY CANDLES, PLAYING TENNIS, BARBECUEING, SITTING ON A PATIO SIPPING COCKTAILS, ETC. JULIET’S VOICE COMES IN, PICTURES EVENTUALLY CHANGE TO ARGUING, YELLING, SCREAMING, SILENT TREATMENT PHOTOS)
JULIET: So, years ago, the Capulets and the Montagues were actually good buds. Pals. Amigos. They did EVERYTHING together. They were like the Ricardos and the Mertz’s. They celebrated birthdays, holidays, weekend barbecues, dinner parties, you name it.
Until one fateful day, when everything went wrong. So very wrong. I can’t get into it for legal reasons, but the Montagues know what they did, those dirty scumbags. After that the friendship was ruined. Kaput. Done. And they never spoke again. But resentment harbored. The ill feelings grew. The hatred became real, people. Very real. And that’s when the Capulets decided they’d had enough.
SETTING: A LUXURIOUS BACKYARD, 16 YEARS LATER, WHERE MR. AND MRS. CAPULET ARE SUNNING THEMSELVES ON LOUNGE CHAIRS AND SIPPING MARTINIS.
LADY CAPULET: So, I was thinking about this thing with the Montagues. I’m wondering if its time we put an end to this.
LORD CAPULET: An end? What, like make peace?
LADY CAPULET: scowls get serious. Absolutely not, I don’t want to make peace with them. Remember how we said we’d always get revenge? (Pause as an evil smile creeps upon her face) My love, it’s time.
LORD CAPULET: grins oh, I’ve never loved you more. What did you have in mind?
LADY CAPULET: Well, first we need Juliet’s help. Is she awake yet?
LORD CAPULET: checks watch I mean, it’s only 11.30, so likely not.
Just then, Juliet appears in the doorway, dressed in pajamas and holding a mug of coffee. She walks in and sits down across from her parents. She sips from the coffee mug and begins to speak.
JULIET: So what do you need my help with, exactly?
LADY CAPULET: Juliet! So nice of you to join us. Did you sleep well?
JULIET: rolls eyes ugh, really? Pauses lets stop the fake shit. You couldn’t give a rats ass about how I slept, or anything involving my well being, for that matter. Just tell me what you want so I can see what’s in it for me and then go about my day.
LADY CAPULET: shrugs fair enough. So, do you remember years ago when we told you to avoid that Montague boy across the street like the plague?
JULIET: Oh yeah. Probably the best advice you’ve ever given me. What a chode. (SETTING CHANGES TO CLOSE UP OF A TYPICAL GROSS TEENAGE BOY’S ROOM. ROMEO LAYS ON UNMADE, MESSY BED, SMOKING A JOINT AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, THEN CUTS BACK TO CAPULETS IN BACKYARD)
LADY CAPULET: Well, we want to… get rid of him. And in order to do that, we need you to seduce him.
JULIET: Ew. Seriously? Seduce him? That’s fucking gross. No way. Shudders, stands up to leave You people are nasty.
LADY CAPULET: Juliet, please, darling, just hear us out.
JULIET: (haughtily) And why should I do this, exactly?
LORD CAPULET: Well, I happen to know a boy who shares a name with a pretentious city who might care about your choice.
JULIET: Paris? What’s he got to do with this?
Last updated January 21, 2021