Very pessimistic in Diary

I've recently learned from a book I'm reading that I'm very pessimistic. This came as somewhat of a surprise, as I thought of myself as more in the moderate range. I have been very depressed for quite a long time, though. I seem to go through bouts of it, off and on, all the time. I should say all the time, though, because when I'm employed and not doing any drugs or drinking, I'm almost never depressed. At those times I never go through "bouts" of depression. I might feel down for a day or two if something bad or upsetting happens in my life. Otherwise, I'm happy.

It's impossible for me to say if I'm going through a withdrawal from alcohol still, or not. I feel like I'm about over it. Like I wrote in my last entry, however, I'm going to take a xanax at night for the next two nights just because. I haven't felt particularly anxious. There have been no sweaty palms or hallucinations. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. Either way, I'm glad that I finally made the decision to quit drinking. I felt that I couldn't solve my problems, that I couldn't make any sort of progress in my life unless I stopped drinking. So that's that.

Last night I only had about 4 and 1/2 hours sleep. Generally I am more prone to feeling depressed when I don't get enough sleep. Today is no exception, although I'm feeling better now than I did a couple hours ago. I kept my bed unmade so I could take a long nap when I got back from my 3 hour morning errand. But when I got home, I decided it would be best to stay awake and try to get to bed at a more reasonable time, tonight. I'd like to get on an earlier sleep schedule than I've been on the past few months. I've been sleeping more like a vampire, lately.

Tomorrow I plan to do an exhaustive search for the papers I got from the IRS so I can file my taxes. If I can't find them, I'll go to the IRS and sit there and get them again. My dad said he'd let me borrow his TurboTax software so I could file. I'm already late, and I'm stressed out that I'll get into trouble unless I make something happen right away.

If I can find time to do some yard work, I'd like to do that, too. It'll be good exercise, and it will help with my mood.

For the rest of today, I plan to do some reading, eating, Netflix watching, and game playing. Heh. Very productive, I know. The thought of going for a long walk crossed my mind, and I might still do that. I'll see. But my tiredness is making me lazy. I did email my dad to ask his help on my resume. I've had trouble getting employers to take me seriously, so I'm employing his help. My dad is really smart, and he's good at anything that requires attention to detail. Well maybe not anything, but you know what I mean. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how to paint or dance, for instance.

I've learned I need to gentle with myself when I'm overtired, as I tend to be more emotional and reactive.

This seems like a boring entry, to me. Oh well. It's all I've got for now. Overall I'm doing well and feeling pretty normal, so I can't complain too much.

Bye for now.