Grumpy in First entry

My ex announced to the world she is having a baby boy. This was surprisingly more difficult than I expected it to be. The pregnancy news didn’t surprise me, but the grand announcement just really bothered me. I think the fact it bothered me, bothered me more than the announcement. If that makes sense. I talked to my old neighbor that said she cut her out after she refused to testify in court against me. That was the last person she had that she hadn’t cut out. She has cut everyone that knew both of us and rejected her boyfriend out and what annoys me even more is that concerns me for her. I don’t want her back. I would never take her back after all of this, but I don’t believe her boyfriend is a good guy. He is using her for her money. He is going to eventually show his true colors. My concern is he eventually turns abusive. He has convinced her to cut off all significant relationships. She has burned those bridges. I’ve told them that if it does go the way I think it will, she is going to need support and that’s not going to be able to come from me. As he isolates her and she conforms to his reality, she will be trapped.

I’m also angry again. I’m angry that I’m dealing with all the responsibility. I’m dealing with all of the games. I’m the one trying to make sure the kids are stable and they are minimally effected. As she continues living in her fantasy world. I thought court would wake her up. I am tired of playing nice. Even my attorney said she read all of our texts and she was surprised at how well I responded to her insanity. She said the majority of people wouldn’t do that. I want to shred her fantasy. I want to expose her to the world for the lying unfaithful person that she is. As I talk to mutual friends and they have questions, I realize she is either straight lying about me or telling half truths. She told my neighbor the boyfriend was a friend that just so happened to move to our state and they coincidently link up after we separated. She also said she stopped coming to my house because I had some device that could intercept her texts and phone calls. I wish I had the knowledge and equipment to be able to do it, but the truth is I’m not that smart and the cell reception in my area isn’t good enough to be able to do that. It’s just stupid. I’m just tired of the lies and games and I’m tired of always feeling like I have to take the high road.

I’m ready to be finished with it. I want to move on and have a normal life. It’s weird because I know I’m doing well. I just don’t feel like I’m doing enough. I want to be better and I want to finally not worry about having to be perfect and stressing over every little detail that she might use against me. It’s interesting because I know she isn’t doing that. Why do I feel I have to always take the high road and do the right thing. The truth is, I don’t want to anymore. I see her figuring it out and trying to use that against me. She tries to get me to agree to something and then starts an argument about how I have to so more. If she tells me that I need to stop taking the easy way out one more time, I might just unleash my frustration and tell her what I’m really thinking. The high road served me well in court, but is there ever a point where I can just slay her with the truth? Just drop the reality bomb on her and just shatter her fake world. I don’t think I can. I think I have to anticipate her games and continue focusing on combating her instability.

I learned today she violated the judges order already. She picked up the kids as we agreed. Well, when I picked up the kids, her truck was gone. I asked my son what happened to her truck. He said the boyfriend came and took it. The judge clearly said he couldn’t be on property. He wasn’t supposed to be there. I think this is the route I’m taking. This is what I have been waiting for. The order isn’t signed, but the judgement has come out. I think I will use this as my leverage point to say the games have to stop. I’m over it and the games have real consequences. I will completely use the order to it’s fullest extent to create the structure and stability it offers. I am over it. No more benefit of the doubt. I don’t care if she doesn’t like it. She clearly doesn’t give a damn how her decisions affect me. The kids will not be affected by her poor life decisions.