ok here we go in Weight Loss Surgery

I been taking oxy every 5 hours so this may be jumbled

SUNDAY I visited Emma at my moms house before they went to Daddys. Emma has no idea about my up coming surgery but she kept saying I love you a lot to me as I was leaving and waving dramatically.

My sis said my mom was blubbering after I left because she was worried Emma was saying I love you to me for the last time.

My mom was acting really happy for me. She had told my sis that she knew I was unhappy and was kinda blaming Will for why I couldn’t lose - because he wouldn’t partner with me. I don’t blame Will at all but she was happy for the surgery as extra help to lose weight without Will’s support. She’s also happy for Will to get the surgery cause she knows how upset I would be if he died.

She doesn’t usually cry so to hear from my sister that she was sobbing means she was putting up a good front for my sake.

MONDAY I fed my cats and gave my mom her rent money. She still was acting super supportive. no tears.

Will didn’t sleep all night. He was super scared I could tell. But he goes from anger to fear so he was ready to pop.

He took me to the hospital (my appt was for 11) and then called me the minute I walked in after I left the car just to remind me to call him for ANYTHING, poor guy.

My hospital is close to Will’s family so Will had planned to go to his parents and sleep there so whenever I was released on Monday or Tuesday he could be there quickly.

Looking back now I cannot BELIEVE I thought I’d be able to get out the same day.

I got my paperwork and got sent up to a room really quickly. They got me naked and in a open backed gown and turned on the TV for me. They were really nice there. They did more blood tests and a pee test and temp checked me a bunch. The mattress was FLAT as a pancake.

Then they let me alone and Will called cause he exploded on his parents.

He told them he was coming but didn’t say what time so when the came the fence was locked and the existing cars were parked in a way he couldn’t get in. He immediately got frustrated, left his car in the middle of the street, gave his parents their presents and yelled at them till his mom cried. They still tried to get him to stay but he left.

I talked to him and his sister and just begged them to make up before christmas. They know how he is and even though it wasn’t right his blowout was due to stress and lack of sleep from my surgery and they all love each other and they just gotta work it out.

Eventually they did.

At 1pm they wheeled me to what I would call the pre op waiting room. I couldn’t bring anything with me, no glasses, no phone so I was basically sitting there in a blur. They set my IV up for the upcoming surgery. Lots of people came to ask me questions, etc. The anesthesiologist talked to me a lot to just check how I handle anesthesia. I THOUGHT I handled it well but my last surgery was when I was like 8 so I didn’t have much to go on.

I dunno how long I was in there waiting.

There was a 17 year old boy in there with his mother - I dunno what for. They gave him the loopy meds early and I heard him say to his mom “I can’t see my mouth!” and she was like no one can see their mouth, why do you want to see your mouth? And he was like “I can’t fed myself unless I see my mouth!” and she was like you’re not eating anything now! And then he asked his mom to cover his back with a blanket and she was like “you’re laying on your back with covers on top of you, I can’t do that.

It was funny.

Then at some point I got wheeled into another prep room where they moved me to another bed and they hooked up the IV but didn’t tell me when the sleep drugs were coming so I knocked out at some point.

I woke up in the recovery room with someone kinda watching everyone. I keep waking up for a minute and then going back to sleep cause I couldn’t stay up. I don’t think I was fully awake until 7pm and that’s when they took me back to my room.

At some point the meds wore off and I was extremely dizzy, nauseous, hiccupping, dry heaving, it was AWFUL and it lasted ALL NIGHT.

I cannot not tell you how many anti nauseous shots they gave me. I mean like 10, they would give me like 3 at a time and knock me out and as soon as I woke up it was back and unbearable. I was running the nurses ragged. Anyone who passed by my room I would beg for meds. It was insane. Really Rough.

Plus all the saline was making me pee 24/7 and I always needed someone to unhook me so I could go.

But they were busy, I felt like I was in a psych ward. People were yelling all night. Crazy things. One particular old lady thought she was in her house and kept screaming for the nurses to get out of her house and was physically fighting then and was accusing everyone of watching porn on their cell phones.

Even if I wasn’t writhing in pain I wouldn’t of slept.

At one point I had to pee and no one was coming for me and I couldn’t take it and started to take off the tape from my hand to rip out my IV to go. My nurse came while I was doing it and was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? And I was like I have to pee and I don’t know how to disconnect from the IV so I was taking it out. And he as like YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW TO DISCONNECT, YOU CAN’T WALK WITHOUT US and I was like I HAD TO PEE!!!!!!!!!!!

so he released me so I could pee and when I came back he put extra tape on my IV - like that was gonna stop me if I had to pee.

I also asked the nurses for food. I felt like part of my sickness was because I had only medicine in my body and I hadn’t had any food since 11pm Sunday. But they refused to give me any food until the nausea went away because me violently throwing up food I wasn’t ready for could injure my stomach.

I did try walking some for the gas pain but I was too damn dizzy.

At one point, I think after they exhausted every med on me they were like do you want us to just knock you out and I said YES. It was a red pill.

So I dunno what time I woke up in the morning and they said we have to do an x ray and watch you drink some solution to make sure there are no leaks in your stomach. And I was telling then that I was too nauseous to drink anything, I was gonna throw it up.

They still took me and had me take the drink. It tasted like a thick sprite. But who knows what it really tastes like, I was practically delirious. BUT once I had something in my stomach I felt SO MUCH BETTER.

The people were saying it was strange that I actually like the stuff and I said I haven’t eaten a single thing in at least a full day. So they said they’d get me broth. I told them vegetarian.

They said some people have bad reactions to anesthesia where it just takes a long time to wear off and you feel sick for a while. I dunno exactly why I was so sick over night but if I ever go under again now I know I don’t come out of it well.

Eventually the food did come and it was strawberry jello and chicken broth. And I told them it was wrong. They said they’d get veg broth.

So eventually the thick sprite wore off and I went back to being extremely nauseous so I attempted the strawberry jello but that just made everything worse. Too cold!

After waiting a bit more I started on the chicken broth.

I KNOW I’m practically vegan but it was there and I was so sick I fucking had to. And it wasn’t bad. warm temp to hot food is good. Cold food I can’t take right now. I can feel it going all the way down and it’s awful.

I probably only got 3 spoons in till they gave me the veg broth. I prob got down 3 spoons of that and was done.

I think after the last time I went to the bathroom they didn’t hook me up again and when I realized that I got dressed and got my shit together ready to go. They said if I ate broth and didn’t vomit I could go. So I was ready.

The doc did come and check the incisions and he was happy with his work.

They are painful because I can feel the tightness of the skin being stitched to the muscle or something like that. I have to carry my stomach when I walk and everything is slow. I can’t turn quickly or basically do anything quickly.

Yes I’m all bruised up but I’m ok.

Being home I’m relying on oxy and it’s making me see and feel crazy things but I have to explain all that tomorrow.

But I will say I’ve never been alone. If Will isn’t here either my sister or father is to watch over me. I’m getting better everyday but still walking like I’m sneaking around but I’ve taken a shower and drink at least 4 ounces of broth a day. Some water. Some juice. I’m prob dehydrated but I can’t handle much now. Last I checked yesterday I’m 272 so I’m going in the right direct.

I also have plenty of anti nausea and gas meds and am forcing out burps as much as possible because there is definitely gas trapped in my chest and it really hurts. Like someone stabbed you in the chest and took your breath away.

Will’s family may come here tonight because we usually do presents at theirs Christmas Eve. And then I’ll be with my family Christmas day - at least until 10am cause then Emma goes to Daddy.

So there is it.

The first night I came out of surgery I so regretted what I had done. I was crying. I was so sorry. I wished I could take it all back. But now I’m ok and I’m looking forward to losing weight.