Relief in First entry

5 months of hell. I have felt as if I were the only thing holding up the weight of the world from crush the children and I. I’ve been fighting constant craziness. Finally I have been able to get an order from the judge that stops the insanity. No longer do I have to fear my ex will force her felon boyfriend on the kids. The safety, structure and stability that I have created for the children is not going to be disrupted any more!

Friday we entered court. I had no clue what to expect. Based on the responses she sent to my lawyer there were multiple lies and accusations against me. I had documentation that refuted many of them. She gets up there and starts into the lies and she attempts to make me look bad. My lawyer was amazing she showed the hypocrisy. She exposed the broken logic and pointed out the intentional omission of information that made her look bad.

Then it’s my turn. There was so much that I wanted to show. All of the crazy stories
Her repeated attempts to push her boyfriend that has 9 felonies and a lifetime of documented violence and drug use. We went through instance after instance where she lied to bring the boyfriend into the picture. We discussed the 9 felonies he has. We brought up the documented Methamphetamine use from his past. My attorney stopped early to get a judgement on Friday. Well, her attorney told the judge she had an hour of questions for.me and the judge gave us a continuance until Monday.

Over the weekend I am reviewing all my documentation, unam reviewing everything she has sent, I am digging in try to figure out what they have to talk to me for an additional hour. I actually start to see more inaccuracies in her letters of character. Inconsistent messaging by her boyfriend. I am ready and unless they have some type of surprise, I am absolutely ready for their questions.

Monday comes and her attorney starts by trying to ask me if I have tried to get to know her boyfriend to quiet my concerns. Long story short, I used this to highlight his past and why I have those concerns and explain that I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to be a friend to the guy that ripped my family apart. Then she start into the visits at the park where I stayed as she spent time with the kids. She tried to make it sound as if I stood there while she visited with the kids. She asked if when she would take the kids out of my view, did I follow. I explained I moved to a location that I could verify the boyfriend wasn’t where she went. I was 300 meters or so away. All I could see was the number of people over there and then I went to work. I explained I did that because I have at least 10 instances where we agreed that he wouldn’t be around and she tried to force him into the picture. It was the perfect opportunity to get this into the case. Then she asked me if I thought it was reasonable she would have to meet with the kids at the park forever. I felt a sense of joy. I said absolutely not. That’s not reasonable and my proposed schedule allows her to do the things that shes good at like arts and crafts and strawberry picking, while giving me the ability to provide the structure and stability the kids need. Her cross examination was absolutely the perfect opportunity to justify my concerns about the boyfriend, explain how my ex constantly tried to force her boyfriend onto the kids and why exactly my schedule was the perfect schedule for the kids. I was ecstatic.

Then her boyfriend got up and spoke. He appeared to me as a guy that had been a lifelong Methamphetamine user. This was my replacement. Wow, this isn’t our life. This isn’t how we lived as a family. He is the antithesis of me. He tried to skirt his history. He wanted to pretend he made a couple mistakes, but he was a champion of the underdogs of the world. My attorney walked him through his history of drug use and violence, his history of stealing cars and clearly pointed out how he was trying to skirt responsibility of his choices. All the omissions, all of the lies. They were burned away.

Then it was over. 5 months of hell summed up in a few hours. I was waiting for a judgement. What if the pieces that were not talked about were the difference maker. What if somehow things weren’t as cut and dry?

Yesterday I received a judgement. They are going to do a comprehensive assessment of his history and they are going to dive into his record and determine his threat to the kids. She can’t have overnight visits. She gets them every other Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 9am-7pm. He can’t be on the same peop as the children. In fact, if the children see him, her visits are going to revert to supervised visitation. I couldn’t believe it. This judgement was a clear message that I wasn’t crazy. The hell that I have been living and the fight was worth it. I made the right decisions. The judge clearly has the same concerns and needs more information.

The weight was lifted. No longer am I the one that is holding the weight of the world on my shoulders. I finally have protection for my kids. I no longer have to fear. Simultaneously my heart breaks for her. She has chosen a path that required this. She has decided to place us into this situation. I know it broke her heart. I hope that she can finally start doing right by the children. She needs to love them and spend time with them. She needs to stop placing her boyfriend as a higher priority than the kids.

This isn’t a victory lap. This is a culmination for those who know my story from when it started back in June. Finally I have the peace I have been waiting for. I am now part of the 4% of dads with primary custody of his children. I can make sure they have what they need.

I’ll tell anyone that is going through an ugly custody fight, don’t give up. Do what’s best for the children. Try to take the high road whenever you can. Treat every text like it will be read in court. Think about your social media posts. When you are given the choice, take the high road. Be willing to do the right thing, even of you don’t want to. Have someone to talk to. Build a support network. Have people that will tell you that you aren’t right. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how hard the flames are around you, always take that next step. Cling to God. I can honestly say, I never would have been able to do this without him. When it feels hopeless, know he is with you. It’s going to be ok. Don’t ever give up and take things one step as a time. Always, and I mean always, place the best interests of the children first! You’re going to have failures. You’re not going to be perfect. Give yourself grace and own your shortcomings.

To all the other single parents out there, you are beautiful, you are strong, you are not alone. The struggle can not be understood until you live it. Keep pressing forward. Your kids need you. You are their shelter. Don’t give up!!