Liquid Diet - day 5 of 12 in Weight Loss Surgery

Sundays and/or Mondays are usually the days when me and Will order out together so when Sunday evening came around I know he was wishing he could order out but he didn’t want to cause I couldn’t eat.

I had to BEG him to order out and I told him - just order a food that I don’t like so you don’t have to feel guilty eating it. So he got a seafood fest - which I can’t stand - but then he got to enjoy himself and not feel like I was wishing for his food.

Although while he was chowing down I caught him watching me drink my broth and feel a little bad but it is what it is.

I told him, I’m trying not to cheat but IF I did it wouldn’t be his fault. I have to have the willpower to say no no matter what everyone is doing around me. That’s always been my issue.

Even when I found out I had diabetes I thought THAT was rock bottom and I’d stop eating carbs no matter what but I still went back to eating bad even while knowing I now gave myself a disease because of it.

So basically he could have ordered pizza or anything I WOULD eat and eat it without guilt. AND if I had a slice it wouldn’t be his fault - it would be my fault. BUT an easy solution to all that is him eating bad food that I DON’T like and then I’m not struggling with temptation and he can enjoy his dinner without much guilt.

I still cheated a bit cause I had hummus. So far my cheats have been 3/4 a cup of farina, a couple tablespoons of pesto and a couple table spoons of hummus.

I’m basically just looking for flavor LOL

I’m back in the office today with my shake - even though there are cookies around.

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I wrote to my boss, her boss, and the only other admin left and let them know about my surgery. I told them all I don’t think this will interrupt my work but I wanted to let them in on what was going on next week Just In Case the recovery is harder than expected.

I spoke to one friend who had the surgery and she said that she took 2 weeks off because she though she would need it but then was back driving to work after 1 week and another who said she was fine to drive in 3 days. That would be great!

In other TMI news I’m surprised I’m pooping after how little I’m eating. I mean I had farina and 1 or 2 eggs a day but basically everything else has been liquids so I’m just surprised I ever have to poop.

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I dunno if I mentioned but my sis and her bf are totally back together and the went to dinner in an igloo last night. It was expensive but it was just the 2 of them. She said they were warm and the bathroom had one of those blue light sanitizers and they felt safe.

I might have mentioned my mom wants to do something like this for NYE and I pretty much said no cause I was scared but my sis says it’s safe. Plus I won’t even be able to eat at that time so I may just bring my own broth and just not touch any of the restaurant food or silverware.

I may even wear booties inside the place. Luckily I work in an office where I have access to shoe booties.
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I watched the live stream of the eclipse from a camera in colorado. pretty cool.
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You know how I told you guys one of Will’s blood tests was messed up. Well he still hasn’t rescheduled that test, even though come tomorrow it will have been a week that he’s know it’s messed up and therefore missing from his documentation for this surgery.

He can’t have the surgery til Jan anyway (says he) so I guess he doesn’t need to rush it but if it was me I would have had the test redone The Next Day.

And the WLS office did say that him not having that test Does Not mean that he won’t get approved but now that it’s been days after my approval and he hasn’t gotten his - wouldn’t that make you wanna act on that blood test so you get the approval.

But I will say - and I’m being totally honest - I want this surgery for me. If he said he didn’t want to do it I wouldn’t force him. I feel Like I would feel better about my sex and want to have sex for if I liked MY body better. It has nothing to do with His body.

He can have gone through all of this and then back out of the test at the last minute. I would be ok with that. I think he’d regret it but I can’t force him to do anything.

I just dunno why he’s dragging his feet. Do you want this or not?

I think he’s terrified of the liquid diet. So maybe he doesn’t want to get a date so he doesn’t have to start this diet.

That’s totally understandable but as far as my understanding, you can’t get this surgery without the pre op diet so you power through.

And you guys know I haven’t had the willpower to do ANY sort of diet for real. Only the fear of being rejected for this surgery is why I’m sticking to it. And after the 5th day of it, it’s getting slightly easier.

I hate myself. I hate my body. And finally there’s a real chance to take it. And I’m terrified of fucking it up so I’m doing it. I’m doing it! And losing weight. I’m 277 now and I at last weeks weigh in I was 285. I’m doing this!

But if he doesn’t want it as much as me, maybe he won’t do it.

Men lose weight so quickly maybe he only needs 1 week of a liquid diet. I dunno....

I dunno how to convince him that he can do this cause I feel like talking about it will make him feel pressured and make him explode at me cause his only emotions are fear and anger and since he’s already in fear, anger is the only way to go!

Last updated December 20, 2020