Liquid Diet - Day 2 in Weight Loss Surgery

I’m not starving yet.

I told Will when he got and now I got more of a reaction. The reaction is more worry lol than happiness. I guess while his most common emotion is usually anger - his second is fear.

We’ve been talking about this since June but now it’s RIGHTHERE.

He went out to the supermarket and got me eggs and plain low fat yogurt - which are the only semi solid things I can eat (in moderation) while on the liquid diet. I have all the protein powder I need for these two weeks.

He said he doesn’t want to eat in front of me now, he’s worried about me feeling hungry.

I think this is like a form of torture to Will and his mom - I’m being serious. Thinking or knowing someone is hungry and not eating (or over eating) literally breaks their hearts lol. Food is love.

He keeps asking me if I’m hungry. And really I’m not drop dead hungry yet and I don’t want to make it seem like it’s SO HARD so that he thinks he can’t do it. He already is scared that he can’t do it. He is much bigger and probably has a bigger hunger than I do. So the liquid diet may be harder for him than me, but I don’t want to encourage that thought.

I told my boss. She said she’s know a few people who were successful with it and thinks I’ll do fine. She is worried about who’s going to do MY work - esp. with us being short staffed but I really do think I’ll be back to doing normal things soon after surgery.

Originally I had told my boss that I may have a hernia surgery at the end of the year. Earlier in the year I was taking a lot of days and I wanted to warn her about what I was doing but I didn’t want to say WLS because I wasn’t even sure if I’d even get it.

So now that I’m taking a buncha time off around 12/21 (did you know that’s the day of a super important conjunction or eclipse or something) I finally told her that it’s actually WLS and a hernia repair - which is the truth. Although I’d prob never get the hernia fixed if not for the WLS. I didn’t even know I had an esophigal (sp) hernia before the scope for the WLS.

What’s also funny is that yesterday my co workers wanted to order lunch and I said NOPE I have a protein shake - they think I’m on a regular diet but really it’s the start of my liquid diet and they’re just gonna think I’m super successful at dieting LOL

I will let everyone in on it eventually - I just didn’t want talk about it before it was actually approved.

I haven’t told Will’s family - I’ll leave that up to him. I told him it might bet better to wait until he also has his date to explain how we’re doing it together but I don’t know what he’ll do.

The holidays are shaping up to be ok with the surgery date.

We only have Emma Christmas eve and part of Christmas day but usually my eve is with Will’s family and the actual day is spent with mine.

So the plan is I’ll spend half the Christmas eve with my family but leave before the massive Christmas eve dinner is served (therefore no questions from Emma about why I’m not eating) and go to Will’s family the rest of Christmas eve night. No I won’t be able to eat their smorgasbord but it’s ok cause they don’t put out as massive a spread as mine and there’s not as many options for me either. It will be easier to refuse temptation at his family’s than at my own.

Then Christmas morning I’ll be with my Emma, we’ll do presents, and I’ll stay until the hand off to the asshole and she’ll be with him the rest of the day.

I don’t exactly know when me and Will will have our own little Christmas where we open each other’s gifts. Sometimes we do it on the eve and sometimes on the day so that will just have to fit in somewhere.

My mom and sister also feel bad about eating in front of me and I keep telling everyone - this is going to be a LONG process where I won’t be able to eat like normal. You guys have to go on eating as normal and I’ll catch up lol.

IN OTHER NEWS TMI

I finally talked to my sis about her ordeal and she schooled me on hemorrhoids. I thought that they were tiny little bumps that sometimes bleed from pushing too hard while pooping. I thought they were on the outside of butt but near the butt hole, like on the cheeks LOL

I’m sorry I’m really explaining this like a 5 year old

I had no idea why she went the extra step of banding one and ending up in the hospital.

My sister said because of her stomach issues sometimes she’s running to the bathroom and other times she can’t go at all and the poop is coming out like sharp rocks and cutting her and her stomach hurts from not going - it’s insane.

So from the times where she can’t poop she’s developed hemorrhoids. And once you’ve hemorrhoids you’re prone to get them where you already had them.

Hemorrhoids can be internal and external - I didn’t know that. So she had one internally that was causing her pain and it got so big it was starting to come … out …and that was very uncomfortable and painful. It was getting .. pinched… and she could feel it when sitting. It just couldn’t be ignored.

Because she’s been dealing with this issue for years, she knows all the creams and tricks and tips and they weren’t working. So she went to her doc to get it banded. And that’s when it all went to hell. Even though it’s a butt issue it felt like terrible menstral cramps.

She originally wanted the band removed but I talked to her today and she said the pain is more manageable now she she may just let it stay and hopefully it removes the hemorrhoid.

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So I had my shake around 830am and now at noon 1 single boiled egg lol. It’s weird cause I’m kinda hangry but also feeling a little nauseous. So I don’t know if I’d actually eat if given the chance but I’m mad I can’t LMAO. This is only day 2…

I participate in a virtual 5k months ago and they sent everyone thank you bags. I got a shirt (that I actually think will fit) and coupons, etc. but I guess Herr’s was part of it and gave everyone a small bag of chips.

I had to think long and hard about those chips.

Would a bag of chips kill my chances at surgery? No. But how I live my life is “this isn’t so bad, it’s not a big deal to eat it, you’re hungry, give in, you’re already 300lbs so just do it”. And now, really just out of fear that my surgeon is gonna look at my chip laden liver and refuse me, I have to say no - even to the small stuff.

Part of me keeps thinking, eventually I’m going to cheat. I’m not going to do this diet 100%. I’m going to give in and eat something bad. So it’s better I do it 10 days away from surgery than 2 days away from it. Plus if I deny myself so long I’m just gonna give in and binge the night before surgery. That’s just who I am.

I’m trying not to believe that - or if that is who I really am I’m going to have to change that.

Nothing really works like fear tho lol. That last time I lost a lot of weight - maybe 30 lbs - was for my wedding and it was because I was afraid I wouldn’t fit into my wedding dress. They didn’t have my size at the store and I had to just buy what I figured would fit. Then live in fear that it would come in and I wouldn’t be able to close it.

Then once the lady started making alterations I was afraid to gain and have her re do the work and cost my parents money.

Fear is really the only reason I lost weight then and I guess it’s going to be what helps me a long now.

Last updated December 21, 2020