No not like that. I’m sorry for the misleading title.
I spent time with noob yesterday. Still trying to process it. He is abrasive. No. He is forward. At least I know his intention. He forces me to not be passive. I listen and assess. Then I ask questions. Then I talk and tell him my perspective. He talks and some things I get and some things I’m just saying Wow.
I like him. I am entertained by him. I can’t bow down to him. I’m a good girl wrapped in a hood man’s mentality. That’s why I see the game. We too old for games. There are things I would want to soften about him, but I will leave it be.
I am, at this moment, upset about last night. After the weirdest date ever I took him to his cousin’s place. The plan was he would be there and call me when he was ready. (There is a whole thing to this I’m not going to go into.) So what turned into an alleged hour became the rest of the evening.
After I hadn’t heard from him, I asked if he was ready or if what was going on was still going on. He said there was a slight change. I’m like ok. So what you want me to do so I know how to move.
I know our communication is spotty, but that was a trash move.
Now I’m awake at 4 and 5 am trying to figure my next move. Like should I just let this be?
I still battle insecurity about a lot of stuff.
I’m still battling my flesh and my selfish desires.
I’m not battling, but more so conversing with my spirit about my past and how things like this have turned out before because I “just wanna see something…”
The man I think I want, I can’t have.
The man before me is far, far, far, far from perfect, but he also makes me nervous.
I don’t even know what to do right now but pray and read my bible.
Take it easy y’all. If I’m not back before too long, have a very Happy Thanksgiving.