Is This Thing On? in meh...

  • Nov. 21, 2020, 12:17 a.m.
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My lanta. Where do I begin?

Grandson didn’t have covid. We have been relatively safe. He started back to school two days a week this month and as of Monday, they are 100% virtual again.

My daughter is now completely without a car. She’s made do, but still leans on me. I won’t let her use my car for frivolous things. But when she wanted to take the kid for a doctor appointment I let her.

My son is working. Daughter is working. I’m working. Going nuts but working. Today wasn’t so bad for me though.

I haven’t written because I haven’t been in the mental space to do so. I’ve wanted to, but the time was never available. When the time was available, I was drained and didn’t want to. My life is work, church, errands, kids, sleep.

I did something though as a step forward to move on in my life. I joined dating apps. I also deleted them several days after. I swear that everyone looked like…it didn’t work.

This leads me to my next issue.
I kind of met someone, but I hate that I’m not naïve enough to just let this run it’s course.

I was at work and I got a text message asking who I was. I was confused and said “…and you are…??” Then my phone rang. I had one of the single weirdest conversations. I gather that my phone number had been spoofed. He said he missed a call from me. I said impossible because I haven’t called anyone. He asked about dating sites I might be on. I said I wasn’t. He said I was lying because it took me too long to answer. Technically, I wasn’t lying because I had deleted everything prior to him contacting me. Later he sent me pictures of himself. I sent him one.

Nearly one month later…

I still don’t know his name. I’ve graduated from Hey beautiful, wssup beautiful, to bae and baby and babe. I don’t think he knows my name either. Such a strange situation. It didn’t start very well. We barely talk. He didn’t tell me much until I laid down some stuff to him. I told him I had no idea what we were supposed to be. He disappears and contact is distracted. I told him if you are married or you have a relationship or situation with someone, make that work, but don’t waste my time. I didn’t ask him to call me. He reiterated that he was single, but he works a lot.

I asked him to tell me about himself. It took a bit, but he laid something on me. I won’t divulge, but I will say it’s nothing new to me. It explained his sporadic contact. After that he tried to be in touch more and I reached out to him more to be fair. Truthfully, I was fine whether or not we talked because I didn’t think he was serious about getting to know me. But he always reached out.
“I wanna see you soon…”

And now…

I’m feeling like I’m being set up for some big ask because I’ve been down a familiar road. Try to butter me up, act like the interest is so great, certain questions that have been asked… I don’t know.

We did meet briefly in person not far from my old neighborhood. We shared a small peck on the lips. This was Monday. Next Friday it will be a month of this.

I have this penchant for rabbit holes, but I will not do… I’ve learned lessons. I am more assertive when it comes to someone assisting me in the ruin of my life. I won’t have it. I cannot do this to me again.

I had to get honest about this. I still don’t have many people to confide in.

I have more stuff. Will write tomorrow…

Kindest regards,

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