NJM 2020, Entry 11 - I Had a Dream in These Foolish Things

I had a dream last night. I won’t go into all of the details because they are boring, but the main thing that I remember is that I had a boyfriend in my dream! And that was wonderful. We were in bed together, just waking up, and the boyfriend told me that I’d fallen asleep so hard that there was no way to rouse me.

I really do need to ask the doc if this is normal. I feel like a narcoleptic.

Checked the fitbit and it shows a great score of 85, including nearly two hours of REM sleep so that’s why the vivid dreams, and nearly two more hours of deep sleep. So WHY am I so tired all the time? Had a hard time again today just getting up and out of bed.

However, I’m up and it’s a new day!

How’s everyone doing today? Are we good? Are we staying away from the Rona? I swear, we are going to be in the height of the pandemic and my office is requiring everyone to come back to the office after Thanksgiving.

So the week after everyone goes to their respective family gatherings and all of the kids come home from college and everyone goes to visit relatives, spreading Covid near and far, my company wants everyone to gather back in the office and get back to work. Great.

I have actually asked for the week after Thanksgiving off and Boss didn’t flinch..at ALL. He simply signed the paperwork during our 1:1 meeting yesterday. This makes me very worried. Like, he always gives me shit for any time I take off - especially during the holidays - but this time there was no discussion about it. I don’t know if he even looked. I think something’s up.

I also told him about all of the disasters from yesterday and do you know what he said?! He literally said, “it is what it is.” And that was that.

Not a great feeling, but again, it’s GO time.

What else is happening?

Oh. My niece is going to turn 5 years old right before Thanksgiving. She’s spoiled rotten, but it breaks my heart that she does not have any other kids in her life right now. She’s not going to school/daycare and stays home with her mom and my parents all day because of Covid. My brother doesn’t want her going anywhere (he’s a school teacher and lives separately from her and his wife because he’s terrified of giving them the Rona).

Anyway. I want to get her something useful, but I’m struggling. She has every toy imaginable, but I know she needs connection more than anything else. She’s super smart and tech savvy already. She figures out apps and computer programs much faster than any of the adults.

I’ve never really had children in my life except for lots of babysitting when I was much younger and then when I almost married EXMS and even that connection with those two were limited. What to get a 5-year-old in the time of Covid?

And then, just the thought of it being the holidays already. I know that we are not out of the woods as it pertains to the awfulness of everything in 2020, but it just feels like there might be a light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel and I’m cautiously optimistic about 2021.

I am ready for this dark cloud to move on.
GS