Blood Moon. Unrequited love. Longings. Snakes. in Diary

I looked at the moon tonight after celebrating Passover with my mom, dad, Margret, Christie, Christopher, Christopher's girlfriend whose name escapes me at the moment, and Julio and Caroline. It's what people call a "blood moon'. Mars was at 1:00 in relation to the moon. I hope it's not a bad sign. But I'm not one to fall for superstitions. Julio is quite a gifted artist. He made everyone these cool snake sculptures made out of willow wood. To Margret, he gave a framed painting on the face of an egg. It was quite exquisite. I must admit I'm a bit jealous that she was the only one to get a painting like that. That's not to say that the snake sculptures weren't appreciated. I love mine. It's really cool. It means a lot me that he made something for me that meant something to him. He said everything he made was like a piece of his heart.

This is risky, writing about how I feel about Margret here, openly. The moon would crash into the earth before anyone I know in "real life" reads anything I put here. I hate that I just wrote that, because this place, all the people I know on this site including those from OD, are real to me. I care about you people, whether you know it or not, whether you care or not. But I digress.

Margret is a very special person to me. Since she was way too young for me, all the way up until now, I've had feelings for her. She is 27, now, I think. I'm not sure. She could be 28. It doesn't really matter. Have you ever felt this feeling, how some people stir up your emotions and your desires in ways no one else can? How just being near them fills you with longing and tenses up your heart just enough so you can't ignore it? It's like some strange gravitational force.

That's an obscure way of describing how she makes me feel. And I'm pretty sure she has no clue. She wants to go on a trip with me to Arizona to visit my sister and brother-in-law. Tonight she told me she's been saving up her paid time off for that trip. I think I need to make that trip happen before some other guy snatches her away from me. Not that I have her now. But at least that chance exists.

I still remember the first time she touched me. We were sitting in the back seat of the car, riding with my mom and dad and one other girl to my grandma's house for a Sunday dinner. She moved her thigh closer to me until it touched my thigh, and she kept it pressed against mine for what seemed like forever, until I eventually lost my nerve and nonchalantly broke the contact. That was the moment I fell in love. I can see that now. Both of us acted like nothing out of the ordinary was happening while we were pressing against each other, not just touching lightly, although my heart was pounding. I can't imagine it was just me who felt something that day. Although it was (perhaps) an innocent touch, it made so much of an impression on me that it still makes me crazy for her whenever I think of it. If I can make this trip to Arizona with Margret happen, I will tell her how I feel. I'll tell her I love her. I have nothing to lose, and I only have this life to live, and time keeps on ticking. And no matter how much time passes between visits, my feelings for her haven't gone away. I have hope that life won't just end when I die. Ghosts!!!

I started binging on the X-files recently. As a teenager, I watched it when it came on TV, but not regularly enough to fully appreciate it. It's really quite good, even in Season 1.

That's about all I have to say. Passover was...interesting as always. People will be people. I put a lot of effort into helping my mom prepare for it, yesterday. Me and Margret spent all afternoon chopping and peeling, and constructing shish kabobs. I did my best not to be too flirty with my glances and words.

Christie got drunk after less than two glasses of wine, tonight, and became slightly obnoxious, while I played babysitter/bartender to her. I'm good with drunk people. I know how to handle them, for some reason. I convinced her to dilute her wine with grape juice. It was quite stupid and ridiculous, really, but it wasn't as bad as I'm probably making it sound. Everyone else behaved themselves, for the most part. It was a good dinner, a good experience. I'm putting it in the win column.

I hope you're all well. I hope EA's strep is gone and that her back feels better. :) Anyway, take care everyone. It's 3:00am, but I'm not ready to sleep yet. I'm going to unwind with some Sims3 action, a little MST3K, and then I'll have a bagel and go to bed