Follow Up to a Needed Conversation in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

The evening was good. Better than expected while containing little of what was expected.

Victoria came over and was clearly lost deep in thought. Her son is having trouble in school and it seems quite likely that he is experiencing some kind of intellectual or behavioral difficulty. Likely ASD. Unfortunately, his teacher isn’t in a great place to understand, empathize, or help as she was unaware what ASD even was. It reminded me of the time I had to explain to a sitting District Court Judge what the DMS V was! So she was really deep into that thought.

We went to the grocery store because she had said that she really wanted to cook something health and fun but… as we wandered the aisles, it was clear to me she wasn’t in a “lets have a blast and cook something weird for funsies” kind of mood. So I suggested Take Away, and she tried to resist saying, “But we seem to always get take away. You have a nice kitchen that needs to get used.” And I just kind of said, “I won’t fight you on it; but you shouldn’t fight yourself either. Take Away isn’t going to kill us, bankrupt me, or upset me. And you look like you could use a break.” SO… we got take away. While we were eating I had the Needed Conversation. It went as expected and better than expected all at once. Obviously, I’m not expected to do anything or engage in anything that makes me uncomfortable and she was really happy that I had talked to her and Essen about everything because it is one thing for them to know me and know what I’m likely thinking; but it is important that I be able to say it as well. I also told her about suppressing my urge to over explain and apologize on Monday and she was legitimately happy that I had been able to deal with that urge appropriately. Remarking how some of the deeply ingrained anxious behaviors that had certainly been influenced by the marriage being fought against is probably some of the really healthy work I need to be doing (of course it is!).

We went downstairs and cuddled and watched some Anime. I started kissing her and she responded; and she complimented my initiating because that’s still tough for me. Than I told her that it is still tough but one thing I’m blanking on is the “transition.” Like… kissing and holding her would be great and I’m not knocking it. But especially as it isn’t a relationship of romance or grand gestures… other than simply asking, “Do you want to take this to the bedroom?” I’m not entirely sure how to go from kissing to sex. It was okay anyway, though, because as she was wrapped in the blanket she almost fell asleep on me. Several times.

We went upstairs and sat down and she was just… super tired. Totally makes sense! And we talked, and held each other, and talked. It was really nice.

She had said that she was sad that we didn’t get to experiment with some of the things she had wanted and she told me that she really wanted to take care of some of my needs… but that the evening was extremely comfortable and fun and she really enjoyed herself.

Here’s the funny thing. Honestly? If this were a single woman that I was dating and had a romantic future with? Tonight would have been one of the best dates that didn’t involve sex ever. But all things being what they are? It was an amazing night with a beautiful friend.