Twitter Sized Thought in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020
- Nov. 2, 2020, 7:40 p.m.
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- Public
Today my brother texted us about my niece. After her schooling, she went to her Dad and asked him about his day. How seminary is going… how his studies are different to hers, how he is doing. A conversation involving questions about his life and activities. She’s 7. I rarely got a conversation like that from my wife. I rarely get a conversation like that from anyone! lol
A little more here…I am definitely actively trying to repress my codependency habits. I told Victoria that I would be free this week on Tuesday or Wednesday. She said her Wednesday looked free than asked if I was free to do errands with her tonight. I asked what errands and she said going out of town to one of the cities “near” here (60 minutes one-way) to hit up Target. I apologized and declined without giving a reason. She said, “Okay, see you on Wednesday prolly.”
I was SO tempted to send her an apology and explain that I just had too much to do tonight and blah blah but I didn’t. I swallowed that anxious urge and just left it as is. She asked if I could do something. I needed more information to know if I could. She provided information that established I could not. I told her I could not. Nothing more needed.
It’s honestly tough for me to leave it at that, I tell you. My instinct is to rush in, explain, make sure we’re still all good. Follow that anxiety and anxious attachment. But I won’t. Because (1) we’re not dating; and (2) I need to learn and follow more healthy behaviors.
stargazing ⋅ November 02, 2020
I know that is so difficult, but good for you for just saying you couldn't and not explaining all the reasons why not.
Amaryllis ⋅ November 02, 2020
Good for you. I think making habits of these more healthy behaviors is going to help you a lot more than you realize.
Warmly,
A fellow recovering codependent
DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ November 02, 2020
Good for you! I'm the same way, and it is soooo hard! And I still feel guilty but, like you, I have to logically break it down in my brain.
hippiechica15 ⋅ November 03, 2020
Good for you!
Wrennie ⋅ November 03, 2020
It has taken me a decade (maybe a little longer) to learn to decline without reason, with anybody. Work, friends, family... I always felt obligated to "prove" that I couldn't do whatever it was... I've gotten to a point where it still feels uncomfortable in most cases, but I also rarely give a reason to anyone anymore. My choices are my business; unless you need to know, you don't need to know!
Frozenbutterfly ⋅ November 03, 2020
Good for you! It's hard to make those changes.
I had left my equipment in court a few weeks ago not realizing someone else would be there in the afternoon and I got a not very pleasant e-mail from the court reporter saying I should have moved my things.
I started to reply with my excuses as to why I hadn't moved it...but then just deleted my excuse and just apologized and said I would try be more considerate moving forward.
It was haaaaard, lol
TrippyNina ⋅ November 03, 2020
I feel this entry so much.
Deleted user ⋅ November 09, 2020
Good for you