Gestures in These Foolish Things

  • Oct. 27, 2020, 12:49 p.m.
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  • Public

Meh. I ended up staying in last night. Which was just as well because it was rainy and cold and nasty out and I couldn’t imagine wanting to sit out on any patio last night anyway (not doing indoor dining). I got a couple of nice phone calls which felt almost as good as being with friends in person and then let myself drift off to sleep.

S.S. sent a text last night saying, “Sorry we didn’t get to meet up tonight. Hope you had a wonderful birthday”

I didn’t answer that until this morning.

But last night it made me think about some things. A few of you noted (paraphrasing) that if a man wants to pursue something, he will overcome any obstacle to make things happen. And I agree. In fact, I’ve had that before. I shouldn’t do this, but I go back to SexyPants, who’d leap over tall buildings for me. I couldn’t stop thinking about that. SP simply Made. Things. Happen.

From our very first date, that man made me feel like absolute royalty, and I think that’s why I was so in love with him. He flew in from another city to take me out on our first date. And then he ended up changing his plans for a few days so that he could take me out a few more times that week. He was somehow so skilled with knowing how to make me feel special - sending flowers, calling on the phone, planning every date, sweeping me off my feet.

He was the King of the Grand Gesture.

One time, I was flying home from a business trip. It was a long trip through many different cities in Asia. I had one last layover at LAX, where I had several hours to kill before hopping on the red eye back to [my city]. SexyPants flew to LAX from wherever he was, took me out to dinner, and then flew first class with me on the red eye as we drank champagne and snuggled under a blanket together, then took me to his house and tucked me into bed so I could sleep off the jetlag.

I mean, stuff like that, you know?

Now, I’m not saying that every man should be a SexyPants. In fact, SP ended up not being the right guy for me anyway (while he treated me like a princess, he also treated ALL women like princesses, if you know what I mean).

So that’s the other thing. Maybe it’s not that a GRAND gesture is required - maybe it’s something in the middle between a huuuuuge expression and a wimpy, wussy, passive wet-noodly type of offering.

How hard is it, when you insist on taking someone out for their birthday, to make a date, set a time, make a reservation and then follow through? How hard is it to not make the other person pick the place or figure out the logistics? How hard is it to pick up the ball and run with it?

There. I wrote it out. Now I’m going to let it go.

Here’s to gestures big and small (but definitely not to none at all),

girl in recession October 27, 2020

I think the main thing is that if you don't feel the need to communicate directly with him how him canceling made you feel like shit, then there's probably no point in continuing talking to him at all.

Ginger Snap girl in recession ⋅ October 27, 2020 (edited October 27, 2020)


Excellent point. What I did say was that canceling and then telling me that he was feeling better was confusing to me. He answered back saying that he should have been more clear. I don't know. This seems too hard already.

girl in recession Ginger Snap ⋅ October 27, 2020

Yeah, he definitely should have been more clear. I mean. WTF exactly is he playing at.

pandora October 27, 2020 (edited October 27, 2020)


I was engaged to a sexy pants. She wooed me like we were in a movie. A show stopper. The thing is... there was a lack of authenticity. She needed big gestures to get through life, but it was more about appearance than being actually crazy for me. Marielle is ACTUALLY crazy for me and it’s in the tiny normal life details where I feel it the most. So. Don’t rely too much on gestures that cannot possibly be kept up for years to come and leave you lamenting ‘what things were like in the beginning.’

I’m sorry it didn’t work out for your date. I hope you enjoyed your birthday night in. Xo

pandora October 27, 2020

Reading the end of your entry again, I realize that you already know this... lol.

Ginger Snap pandora ⋅ October 27, 2020

Ha! But I like reading notes about relating to what I'm saying. And what I like even better is that you were there like I was and you found your Marielle. You found your person and it gives me hope.

Meeks October 27, 2020 (edited October 27, 2020)


Have you ever felt really crappy in the morning? Making you wonder if you were coming down with something? By afternoon you feel great. It happens.

Ginger Snap Meeks ⋅ October 27, 2020

Oh, I have! But the texts were not straightforward and it clearly caused me angst. I'm working through it.

Bre M October 27, 2020

Happy belated birthday.

Ginger Snap Bre M ⋅ October 27, 2020

Thank you, Bre!

Parliament October 27, 2020

Suffering no fools might get you fewer text messages and attention in the near term, but it'll also keep you from clogging up your love lane with a bunch of Never-Will-Be types (so you can focus on finding the right one).

Ginger Snap Parliament ⋅ October 27, 2020

Thank you, P. I always appreciate you.

Athena Parliament ⋅ October 27, 2020

Yaaaaasssss! Suffering no fools!

Ginger Snap Athena ⋅ October 27, 2020


Athena October 27, 2020

Grand gestures aren't necessary but integrity is.

Elaine Benes Athena ⋅ October 29, 2020

Yes! Sexypants was likely big on the grand gestures to make himself feel justified for what he was doing behind your back.

Complicated Disaster October 27, 2020

Being let down sucks. Don't put up with it! Xx

permanent daylight October 27, 2020 (edited October 27, 2020)


It's already been said, but you're worth it! Keep your head up. (I know you will)

plushcreep October 28, 2020

It's not that hard at all. I think your feelings are more than justified.

Jinn October 29, 2020

Give him a sabbatical ; he may come back with better efforts .

WhatDreamsMayCome October 29, 2020

Wet noodles are good for sticking to the wall. ;-)
I hate it when first impressions start so high. Been there done that.
I hope that 'just right' is right around the corner.

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