Adventures In Dating Apps in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020
- Oct. 27, 2020, 12:02 p.m.
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- Public
What a way to start a morning.
Woke up to someone on Tinder having actually matched with me. I have Bumble, Tinder, Match, and OKC and between all of them… I never get picked, much less matched.
So, I sent a message. The young woman’s profile showed that she had Gothic tastes but was relaxed and more “appreciated it” as opposed to “obsessively dedicated to the lifestyle.”
I said: I appreciate your chromatic fashion choices! Excellent sense of style. How are you today?
She said: I’m cool. Give me your phone number, there are too many fakers on here.
I said: I know what you mean! I had a conversation once where the whole thing was basically a sales pitch for her Only Fans!
She said: Well cat’s out of the fucking bag, I guess. Bye!!
Great.
So… despite a more open approach on these… nothing. Do I have to go after the 360 pound women who have had 6 kids? (I saw 4 women fitting that description this morning) Like… I just don’t fucking get it.
How am I… an intelligent, compassionate, kind attorney with a good job and a house with most of my shit together… considered the least desirable combination of elements for a man? Like… when did “part time job crashing at his buddy’s place and making 1/4 of his child support payments” become more desirable than what I can offer?
AppleGirl ⋅ October 27, 2020
I don’t know if this is helpful, but I look at guys who are perfectly acceptable looking or perfectly nice looking and think “I would never be with them” - I like guys who are taller (but not too tall) and thinner (not skinny, but not muscle-y). I like guys who have a brain, who can carry on a conversation. Being funny and kind and a gentleman is a HUGE plus. Having zero drama and a regular full time professional job is also a huge plus. Being handy and/or interested in hanging out outside being active is an extra. Everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes.
It seriously sounds to me like you are not in an area or in a profession where you will find people who are attracted to your looks, personality, interests, life goals. To use your own analogy - you are offering steak, they want hamburgers, dammit. No matter what, the steak is not going to do. You are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And do you really want to involve yourself with the Essens of your town? That would just be trading one problem for an even bigger problem. Good riddance that she has a “crush” on Remus.
Any place where you could be around those more artistic or academic or nerdy would be better than where you are now.
Park Row Fallout AppleGirl ⋅ October 27, 2020
I agree that I would thrive in a more artistic, academic, or nerdy area. But in Iowa, there really aren't that many around. And changing states as an attorney means re-taking the bar exam and essentially starting over from scratch career-wise. A much larger endeavor than I am presently equipped to tackle.
DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ October 27, 2020
The thing is the instant access of the internet has created huge amounts of people who are just on it for the money, especially for the free sites. Paid sites, not as much, but still there. Its ridiculous.
sarafina ⋅ October 27, 2020
Doesn’t Iowa have reciprocity with other states when it comes to law licenses? You stated above that you’re unwilling to move because you don’t want to take the bar again, but maybe this could be another option? A quick google search showed quite a few states that have reciprocity with Iowa, like Illinois (Chicago!!) and New York. Your world would literally open up with either of those cities :)
But, I’m obviously not an attorney and could be totally off-base, idk...just a thought!
Park Row Fallout sarafina ⋅ October 27, 2020
It's something to consider. I think right now I'm experiencing just a lot of emotional fatigue, too, and changing right now seems... exhausting. More in a place to hunker down, hope the storm blows over, and see what needs to be done afterwards.
sarafina Park Row Fallout ⋅ October 27, 2020
Totally get that. I have a friend who thrives off big life changes like this- she leaps without looking like it’s nothing. I envy that trait, but I don’t think it is something most people do... You’ve been through quite a bit this year, so it’s understandable that a drastic step like relocating/changing jobs is probably not in the cards right now. But, maybe someday :). Unless Iowa gets an influx of like-minded single people in the meantime haha