Remoulade in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

  • Oct. 23, 2020, 8:02 p.m.
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Funny thing is? This happens. I have words floating around in my brain completely unattached to ANYTHING. Meaning… no definition, no picture identity, no historical markers, no emotional context. Just words that I’ve either heard or read and my brain liked the sound so it kept the word in there. The title is one such word.

So, last night I had two things I wanted to do and a laundry list of things I needed to do.
(1) I wanted to check in on Essen. Her car issues had not resolved by end of work, and while I’m terrible with handy-things, she had a needed meeting with her attorney today and I wanted to make sure she could get to that.
(2) We were to have a Stein’s Gate DnD Online Session to last until 10 or 11 EDT.
The stuff I needed to do last night involves cleaning and laundry and all that adult shit.

Well, I got home… Nala refused to go outside or do anything Doggy because of the rain and the weather. But I knew she needed SOME kind of “Okay… get your excited energy out” so I threw her in the car and we headed over to Essen’s. Her kids LOVED seeing Nala and we talked. Massive Red Flag in that… I could totally see myself dating this woman. But I’m keeping that kind of thing held back in reserve because (1) I am NOT in a position where it would be healthy to date a woman with 3 kids; (2) She is NOT in a position where it would be healthy to date anyone right now; (3) She’s still actively married. While I was there, though, Remus called and offered to take her through her car stuff over Video Call. He’s… much more the handy one!! But it was still good I was there because she would not have been able to do Car Maintenance while watching her 3 kids. So I took Child Watching Duty while she and Tele-Remus tried to work the car issue. SO… at least I was moderately helpful in some way. And it was kind of cute. The 3 kids have cats… one of the reasons why they love Nala… she’s a novelty creature. And they had so many questions… despite having hung out with her before. One of my favorites was “Do her claws retract?” Because growing up with cats… it is such an easy thing to assume. “House pets have claws, but they retract.” So it was cool showing them that Nala’s claws are always out. And the way I showed them that was to have Nala “shake” and “high five” to show them her paws. And the kids LOST IT over the fact that Nala could shake and high five. Then I showed them pictures of her as a puppy and they loved them and got REALLY confused. Because the dog in the pictures was smaller and had a bright white streak on her chest. But Nala is bigger and has spots on her chest. So I explained that, much like each one of them, Nala grew from a baby to where she is now. As to the spots… that’s an EXCELLENT observation. I’ve been wondering about that myself. Best guess is that whoever her daddy is he may have given her spots as part of her genetics and they only presented as she grew up. Then (and imagine THIS from kids with a mentally checked out daddy) the eldest got a really sad look and said, “You mean she doesn’t know who her daddy is?” Oof, heartbreaking. So I explained that her mommy was in the shelter when she was born, so we don’t know who her daddy is but we know her mommy was a German Shepherd. And that she had many brothers and sisters and a lot of them looked like their mommy; but she and one of her sisters didn’t look that much like their mommy, so the best guess about their Dad is actually found in what she ends up looking like.

After that I raced home, already late for the game. But as I sat down, it turns out our player in Florida was having car troubles and was waiting for a tow truck. So game cancelled. Here’s the issue, though. DO I (a) appreciate that I now have extra time to do chores; (b) take the opportunity to force Nala outside despite the wind and rain; or (c) lament the loss of social entertainment and play video games? I chose C. Because I’m an ass. So… there’s that bullshit for you. Now, today at work is a stupid nothing day. I mean, it shouldn’t be. I should be whipping myself into a frenzy using a “free” day to get as far ahead as possible and prepare my calendar for the REST of the year and make sure I’m fervently charting everything. That’s how I did in Tiny Town a lot of the time. But honestly here? The difference is… in Tiny Town with 89 cases… if I prepared a TON and (like a good attorney) got 80% to plead before trial… then that’s only a little more than 70 cases prepped “for no reason.” Now… if I get 80% to plead… then that’s over 400 cases that I kicked my ass and stressed out for no reason. So while I have more cases, more stress, and more to get done… it just makes the “free days” as important to NOT voluntarily add 18 pounds of stress. So… since today is a mostly free day anyway… I’m seriously considering going home extremely early so that I can do some chores around the house before leaving to my parents. But we’ll see. Right now it is a matter of Competing Guilt. Guilt for leaving work vs. Guilt for not getting chores done.

As to more State-Wide and County-Wide Matters?
Holy shitballs, friends.
My county is now considered a HOT SPOT or a RED ZONE because in three weeks we’ve jumped from about 250 COVID cases to over 440! For a rural community with a population of 17,000 people… averaging 64 cases per week suddenly is a massive issue. AND YET of course… still LOADS of people doing the whole “I’m not social distancing or wearing a mask because fuck your Liberal agenda!!” And… as selfish as it is, as long as his list of bullshit is… this is why I will never forgive Trump. He has done some truly heinous bullshit in his time in office. But politicizing health to the point that he has… where simply doing something SIMPLE to prevent the spread of a DEADLY virus whose long-term consequences are still UNKNOWN is considered somehow to be a political statement instead of GIVING A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FELLOW AMERICAN… that… will forever be his legacy of evil to me. He turned his followers into selfish apathetic active viral agents. A gibbering experimental chimp using sign language would make for a less dangerous president.

Now to expand from County to State.
Our governor, who is so obsessed with Trump that she personally attended his massive Super Spreader Event in Des Moines the other week… has complied with one of his more foolish bullshit concepts. DESPITE Iowa now being a MAJOR problem state in regards to COVID… despite the fact that Iowa Hospitals recently released a statement saying they are bordering on “overwhelmed” again where they are worried about not having enough beds for people… Iowa announced that they would be shutting down 4 of the 6 drive-thru testing facilities. Because remember… IF YOU DON’T TEST, YOU DON’T HAVE THE VIRUS!
Mother fucking idiotic son of a bitch bastard bullshit ass cock punchers! GRARGH!

And… just for an added fun “state” thing… remember how I said the weather has been fucking up the pain in my body this week? Here is an honest to God weather map of Iowa from yesterday:
alt text
Yeah. One State. Three Seasons.

National Stage? O. M. FUCKING. G!
I know that my skills are in oration. I once thought it would be kind of fun to be a Presidential Speech Writer maybe someday. So words and concepts are my bread and butter. But the debate last night?! What. the EVERLOVING fuck? Most telling moment, most telling moment was the last two minutes.
The question, which is a Miss Teen USA layup kind of a question, was “Imagine this is your inauguration day. What would you say to the American people who didn’t vote for you?” (I’m paraphrasing from memory.) The answers to that question, though, are directly quoted from a transcript of the evening:
We have to make our country totally successful, as it was prior to the plague coming in from China. Now we’re rebuilding it and we’re doing record numbers, 11.4 million jobs in a short period of time etc.. But, I will tell you, go back before the plague came in, just before, I was getting calls from people that were not normally people that would call me. They wanted to get together. We had the best Black unemployment numbers in the history of our country, Hispanic, women, Asian, people with diplomas, with no diplomas MIT graduates, number one in the class– everybody had the best numbers. And you know what? The other side wanted to get together. They wanted to unify. Success is going to bring us together. We are on the road to success. But I’m cutting taxes and he wants to raise everybody’s taxes. And he wants to put new regulations on everything. He will kill it. If he gets in, you will have a depression, the likes of which you’ve never seen. Your 401K’s will go to hell and it’ll be a very, very sad day for this country.
I will say, ‘I’m the American president. I represent all of you whether you voted for me or against me. And I’m going to make sure that you’re represented. I’m going to give you hope. We’re going to move. We’re going to choose science over fiction. We’re going to choose hope over fear. We’re going to choose to move forward because we have enormous opportunities, enormous opportunities to make things better. We can grow this economy. We can deal with a systemic racism. At the same time, we can make sure that our economy is being run, and moved, and motivated by clean energy, creating millions of new jobs. And that’s the fact, that’s what we’re going to do. And I’m going to say, as I said at the beginning, what is on the ballot here is the character of this country. Decency. Honor. Respect. Treating people with dignity. Making sure that everyone has an even chance. Now, I’m going to make sure you get that. You haven’t been getting it the last four years.

And here’s the thing… I know. I know. I hear it every day! “We love Trump BECAUSE of what he sounds like.” People want a bully that doesn’t sound diplomatic because they don’t trust diplomacy. I HEAR IT EVERY DAY. But frankly, for a million reasons, you’re wrong. Diplomacy is how things get done. You don’t want your country to work with other countries in the world? You’re wrong. You think that the United States doesn’t need anybody else’s help? You’re wrong. You think the United States is Number One in all of the greatest things in the world? You’re wrong. You want your president to be the guy that says, “Focus on Trump family, focus on Biden’s family!”… You’re wrong, we should have a President that says, “Focus on your family.” This isn’t about who or what is on stage, this about who is hurting in this country and what is going to be done about it. You think we need a President that keeps saying “Everything is fine, COVID is finished, we don’t need to face our problems?” You’re wrong. It isn’t pleasant but we need to know that this winter is going to be rough. Despite Trump saying “the worst is behind us”; 40 states in the US are reporting increased COVID numbers. We need a President who isn’t going to sell us bullshit and call it a good product. We need a President who says, “Things are going to be tough. But I’ll be honest with you. And we’ll work together.” If you think that the President should constantly say, “Racism doesn’t exist and I’m great for black people”. You’re wrong. We need a President that understands that people of different racial backgrounds need to have “the talk”. And if you’re lucky enough to think that “the talk” is only about sex… than frankly, you don’t deserve to claim whether racism exists because you aren’t touched by it.
And if you want a really depressing read? Report from a Florida GOP Watch Party of the Debate:

In the lesser Political Races, we have Lindsey Graham absolutely losing his shit!! Despite this being a man who openly criticized Donald Trump relentlessly before being his biggest supporter… despite being someone who said, “we can’t have a confirmation hearing in the same year as an election. and you can use my words against me in 2020” now doing EXACTLY THAT.. despite his increasing unpopularity… Lindsey Graham is demanding an investigation into his opponent. Because Mr. Graham cannot fathom how his opponent is able to out-fund-raise him. And this is the jackassery that is destroying America. “People don’t like me, but I have more money so I win.” So then people raise more money for the guy they do like. And it becomes, “People don’t like me, and I don’t have more money, but I’ve been in power, so I win!” BULL. SHIT. YOU FUCK!

Further, we have Mitch McConnell. Whom I still personally blame for my conversion from a Fiscal Conservative to a Social Liberal. Because his bullshit was just THAT toxic. Remember in 2016, when Mitch and Donald kept talking about Hillary’s pneumonia and being physically unfit for office? Have you seen Mitch lately? Dude… I say this with, surprisingly, SOME genuine concern… you’re looking like my grandfather did the week before we put him into hospice care. I mean… I know you have fucking unlimited resources which is bullshit… but you ain’t looking well. But of course, when an opponent of his mentions his physical fitness… that’s “over the line” and “off limits” because the Tribalism of the day is “Anything we can do, you’re not allowed!”

So… COMPLETELY CHANGING TOPICS… it is fairly common knowledge that Government Offices take a lunch at Noon. I appreciate how that might not be convenient for people who also take their lunch at noon; but for as long as I’ve been an attorney… NOON is when Government Offices almost all shut down until 1:00. As the person typically in the office between Noon and One… I refuse to answer the phone. Largely because, unless I absolutely have to, I’m not answering an unscreened call. Today? Between 12:15 and 12:30… the phone has rung 4 separate occasions. AND YET I’ve not received a single voice mail. Which leads me to believe (1) The same person keeps calling in and hanging up to call back a few minutes later hoping to catch someone; (2) The same person keeps calling and leaving a message for someone else in the office; (3) Multiple people have decided to call in and not leave a message; (4) Multiple people have decided to call in and left a message for someone else in the office. Personally, my hope? Would be the Second One. That’s the scenario that sustains more of a faith in humanity as a whole.

Well… damn. I mean, not really. Victoria offered to bring me some CBD Edibles since, where she is, they are legal. After reviewing the Iowa Department of Health and Human Safety and reviewing all available materials from official Government services ( for example)… it seems that the law in Iowa states… CBD may only be used by an individual with a medical registration to do so and may NOT be consumed in edibles. So I had to thank her but decline. I will try it out someday. I’m sure of that now. But likely… on a visit to Colorado or California. Somewhere that the law isn’t quite so multi-layered and convoluted.

Speaking of though… I find this interesting. During this week, even when I was over visiting Victoria at her home or on the group chat… I’ve seen the love between Victoria and Remus. The honest, emotional, romantic love. And they’ve discussed even this week the concept of polyamory love…
Food for thought. From my sex at dawn book:
Why is erotic/romantic love thought of in the realm of finite resources? When parental love and friendship love and love of food/wine/beaches/architecture/etc isnt? We don’t stop enjoying pizza. Just cause we had pasta for dinner
No the only “finite” to my ability to love in any capacity is because we only have a 24 hour period. And sadly I need to sleep for 1/3 of it

And it is very cool to see, and an excellent argument for the lifestyle and that’s all very cool. AND there is no pang in the slightest of jealousy (which is surprising to me, but very cool). Like… knowing they love each other, seeing their expressions of love through this difficult period… awesome. The only even slightly awkward for me was on Monday when I was in his home, he was face-timing with his wife and kids… and I was there (in part) to have sex with his wife. That’s the only awkward so far this whole time. But there is an emotion present. Even if just faint. It isn’t jealousy. It’s like a faint, softly spoken, barely audible sadness. Because their experience… isn’t for me. As persuasive as the argument for polyamory is, if I ever get married again? I want the monogamy. Because the way I see it? To use Remus’ example. Being a husband is a full time job. Being a father is a full time job. Being an attorney is a full time job. If I’m going to do all of them well? That’s my day! There is only so much time in the world and if I divide it much more beyond “Wife, Kids, Job, Self”… I know myself well enough to know that something is going to get missed, get done poorly, not get done to my standards. But the sadness isn’t about that, not really. The sadness is seeing that they can love each other the way they do, while maintaining relationships outside of their marriage… and knowing (1) I didn’t have that in my marriage; and (2) I don’t know if I’ll ever have that. That’s why that quiet sadness comes from. But the fact that it IS quiet is a good sign. It isn’t a shouting, thunderous, demanding emotion. Just that small whisper. That after the thought, “That’s nice. It’s sweet to see them close like that” comes the echo-like “and you never had it, and you may never have it”.

By the way, I know this is the nerdiest most “I have a degree in Abstract Thinking” bullshit I could share… but I friggin LOVE this webcomic and would likely share all of it every day
and so to punctuate that, I share this

Wrennie October 23, 2020

I also get word ear-worms! And, I'll get a word or phrase stuck in my head. Like for awhile, I kept thinking about "dropping trou". It was intrusive, I couldn't stop it... it was like having baby shark stuck in my brain :(

Wrennie October 23, 2020 (edited October 23, 2020)


Also, this: "Mother fucking idiotic son of a bitch bastard bullshit ass cock punchers! GRARGH!"

I get so frustrated with these people / this bullshit that I've developed a twitch. Not joking. I've been so stressed and frustrated and angry at how fucking stupidly selfish these goddamned morons are that my left eye started twitching three or four weeks ago and hasn't stopped.

hippiechica15 October 23, 2020

I am definitely going to delve into that comic!!

I am also glad for people that can do polyamory but have no desire to do so myself. That seems like a pretty healthy place for you to be observing and feeling this way! Lots of growth there.

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