I know I don’t have to censor the title but I felt it appropriate.
Yet again, my Friday night was an absolute disaster of loneliness and over-drinking.
And I understand why Friday nights are the worst for me. Going into the weekend, that is PEAK “congrats, fucker. You’re alone in your big ol’ house for the next few days. Nobody to call. Nobody to come over. Nobody willing to spend any weekend time with you at all. Better hope it goes fast so you can get back to Weekdays! Work stress and “acceptable” evenings for non-dates. BEcause a weekend outing with Victoria could be seen as too “relationship” so we’ve gotta make sure to keep that shit on Week Days, right! And hang outs with the kids can happen whenever, but weekday evenings are best as the kids can do a whole lot more on weekends!
Because I am a priority for no one. I am a back up for everyone. Except the dog. Who wants to make sure I’m in the same room that she is.
And you know what? It’s only going to get worse.
That will be the ONE YEAR since Nancy and I, in our counselor’s office, discussed and agreed to Separation.
In one year’s time? I have had zero dates. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nancy was dating as early as January. Nancy already has a completely new life (coming back to this). I haven’t even had a single date! That’s… frustrating as HELL.
And honestly makes me ask if I should give up. Instead of trying to get to the life I’ve been working towards… maybe just give up. Pack it in. Focus on nothing other than the job. Become the stone-cold, unfeeling lawyer and just forget any desire to be or do more.
Coming back to the Nancy’s new life bit… we’re also coming up to the end of October/Beginning of November here shortly. And that is the deadline for Nancy to get her shit OUT. It… doesn’t look good for her. So I’m going to be tasked with figuring out how to move all of this shit out of here. An added stressor I REALLY don’t need right now. I mean… it’s YOUR shit. It is shit that has MEANING to you and your family. HOW HARD IS IT to just block out ONE saturday… get your new man involved… and come take your shit out of my house?! And if you don’t have time to do it all at once?? You’ve had EIGHT MONTHS to do this. How many weekends, exactly do you need?
And I know the house being empty of stuff is going to suck. But it is also going to be an opportunity.
(1) Determine what to do with the wedding photos. Do I just… throw them away? Or… like… what’s proper protocol on this? Especially because some of them are in really beautiful frames.
(2) Determine HOW and WHO CAN HELP with moving some things around.
(3) Determine the specific restrictions regarding the stairway to the basement as that can and will act to prevent some specific elements from being able to come downstairs
(4) Build a list of replacement furniture needed
(5) Hire Cleaning Crew to make house look good
(6) Buy replacement furniture.
(7) Line up a Landscaping Guy to help design a front yard/back yard/entryway that is less hassle to maintain but still looks good
(8) FINALLY have a sense that the house is where it needs to be
Because frankly? If my social life is going to suck… and everywhere I go continues to prove that I’m just not what women are looking for… I at least want SOMETHING in my life that can feel settled.