My Mother in My Therapy Book

Today needed two entries because today is my mother’s birthday and I can’t talk about her in an angry post. She has been gone a long time now, she never got to see my kids and see what I turned into when I finally grew up. I was in my early 30’s when she died and did not have a great grip on being an adult yet. I still miss her more than I can even understand. She loved me for what I was and did not try to change me in any way. One of my favorite memories of her was sitting on the back porch of her house one cool fall day and talking. The fire was going and it was just a beautiful evening. She paused for a moment and asked me if I was gay. the only person in my life to every come out and ask me that question. I swing in all directions but I told her no. She paused again and said “you know I would love you no matter what” and I realized at that moment that she really would. One of the greatest sad points in my life is that face that my children never got to experience either of my parents. My father would have treated them like little gods and my mother would have smothered them with love. I want them to know that kind of love in a family and they never will.