The biggest and badest covert narcissist that I have in my life is myself. My ego. I’m struggling to hang on to my narrative. My mind is trying to contextualize myself into being a perfect victim so that I can feel sorry for myself and then campaign to make others feel sorry for me as well. The story that I am trying not to tell myself is that my sister is replacing me with Christmas decorations. She wants this space to set up Christmas for her family. By November first. My country has the highest unemployment in the G7 right now. I’m one of the millions that are unemployed with no recourse, about to be displaced and left behind as my Prime Sinister pursues his activism against climate change. Businesses are closing up everywhere. The mall is gutted and it feels like I am in a socialist country lining up for bread whenever I go there. The shelves are half-empty and spaced out to look full and it’s just nerve-wracking. At least our grocery stores are stocked. My country can grow food for the world but my Prime Sinister doesn’t want us to use fuel to grow it or push it or whatever. I digress. The competition is tough. I can swallow my pride and aim for the bottom. It used to be called opportunity, I’ll work a drive-thru. Desperate times man. I don’t have to be a victim of circumstance. The vindictiveness and spite that my mind is trying to stir up against my sister is giving me mood poisoning. Feelings aren’t facts. It’s all good. Just be calm, cool and collective and keep handling it. It was no news = bad news from my interview last week so… thank you, next. I’ve been avoiding food handling. I was saving that for an act of desperation. I did that for 13 years and I let it define me and eat me alive. I don’t have to let it do that this time around.
Toni, she continues to call all of the shots. She rejects every apartment listing I send her. She knows that I need to be out by the first and she has no regard for my situation. I feel like I am just supposed to be her pet. Someone that’s around so she doesn’t have to feel alone. We’re pursuing her dream, her dream apartment and her dream living arrangement. If I didn’t have to rely on her…
I was thinking about Kyle last night and then he texted me to hang out next weekend and catch up. Manifest much? I’ve been seeing a lot of synchronicities and coincidences so I’m trying to have faith that things are falling into place for me. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t cross my mind the moment he texted me that he has two spare rooms. His friendship is not one I would ever compromise so I will continue to pretend that everything is fine, I don’t need help. Even though I’m at rock bottom lol. Ugh. I’ve reacted worse to less. Is this growth or denial? Ok, three entries in a day. That’s enough. I’m putting this hoodie on my Christmas list. It’s all I want. It’s the best line ever said against Trump Derangement Syndrome to date, I knew it was going to become merch lol. The left can have the fly on Mike Pence’s head, the left can’t meme. This line was gold. Ok, time to throw my resumes around at restaurants. Man, I was supposed to be in Windsor right now. I saw these lockdowns coming. We’re slowly heading toward what Australia is doing and that is not good. Probably toward what China is doing. My PM ordered 36k Units of Tear Gas and other Riot Control Agents. He is shopping around for a third-party to run his 9 “Isolation Camps”. All by the Spring of next year. The Canadian Forces has already started to condition us to make their vehicles and presence normal in the streets normal. We can only guess why that is necessary. To protect Canadians is my Prime Sinister’s answer to everything as he never gives us a straight answer. Ugh