Last night, when I got home.... scratch that. Starting over from earlier.
When I left for work on Tuesday, Nala was dead asleep on the couch. Didn’t move or wake up as I went about my morning so… I wasn’t going to make her get up and go outside. She’s done fairly well indoors last week and we have a set up where she gets the Treat for being a good girl and she has demonstrated understanding of this. Better to let sleeping dogs lie. NOW
Last night, when I got home, Nala did not enthusiastically greet me as she normally would. Instead, my heart just broke! She was staying stand offish and trembling… her whole body made it look like someone had just yelled at her for an hour and made her terrified!!! I wanted to run to her and calm her down because she looked so absolutely heart breakingly shattered. But then I saw it and understood. She had attacked the couch again. REALLY gone after it. I didn’t yell or scold, I sat next to the damage and looked at Nala w/a little anger and a little sadness and she hung her head SUPER low and walked over to the outside door. Like, “I’m sorry. Can I go outside? I didn’t mean it. I’m REALLY SORRY! I’m sorry!”
So I let her out, she didn’t even prance to her usual pee space just… sauntered over, let fly, and came back with a small tail wag and a giant face of hope and fear. An expression clearly stating, “I am happy to see you but… I understand if you don’t want to pet me.” Call me a sucker but I bent down and pet her and spoke to her in even tones… no anger but no happy. Just told her that she needs to behave better. Then Nancy arrived. With that, of course Nala’s demeanor changed. Not only is it a visitor (HOORAY) but it is an adult female visitor (Nala’s Favorite Kind) and even better… it was someone that Nala associated as part of her PACK!!! :D :) (Though… I’m starting to honestly wonder if Nala is starting to see Victoria as part of the pack these days). So Nala got super happy.
Ultimately, it was good to see Nancy again. She’s gotten a LOT of sun (bike rides, kayaking, her boyfriend and his kids are very active) and she’s dyed her hair to a more reddish hue. She’s… happy. Stressed about school and money. But happy. We exchanged car keys (she sill had my extra and I hers) and I discussed why I really wanted to see her. Of course, I stated that I wanted to see her because (and, really, this is true) I don’t have a lot of friends in the area and I always like seeing people I care about. Because I do care about her. I don’t care about her as a wife, I don’t even care about her in the way that I care about Victoria, or Remus, or Essen, or their kids. I care about her as someone who was a significant part of my life and, in truth, I don’t hate that part of my life. I’d change it if I could, sure; but it happened and it spans a significant stretch of my existence. Then I transitioned into the heavier thing. Her shit out by November. ESPECIALLY the big things. I need to know what tables, chairs, desks, etcetera that I need to replace. And just in saying that, I got more information from her than I’d gotten before. Like… I will be losing the dining room table from the basement and the side table in the basement and several other things. And I’m okay with that… as I’ve said since the beginning… I just want to KNOW ABOUT IT. I did, yell at me all you want, provide three concessions.
(1) She gets a staging room. Until November, she can hold one room as “entirely hers” where she can place boxes/furniture/other items she wishes to take. WHEN NOVEMBER COMES anything in that staging room gets boxed up and delivered to her door or her parents’ door, no objections. So instead of just throwing all that shit in the street or selling it; she’s meeting me “halfway” in demonstrating THIS IS WHAT SHE WANTS TO KEEP and doing so by DEADLINE. The “halfway” is that… this means there is a chance that she’ll be throwing stuff into a room instead of actually taking it with her.
(2) I did not reclaim the house keys or the garage door opener. Instead, I told her specifically that I don’t like it when she comes over without notice even if I am not there. If she continues, I will change the locks and/or demand her access. But as I want to encourage her to get her shit out ASAP, she can still have unfettered access BUT FOR the stipulation (a) she is not allowed to enter the house without FIRST informing me AND doing so by request not by notice; (b) she is not to remove any item from the home without first informing me of the item IF the item is considered anything other than “something she brought into the relationship.”
(3) She didn’t ask… last time we discussed it, I told her I’d file for divorce before the end of the year and she didn’t object… but (and again, call me what you may)… I decided to delay divorce filing. This is not for reasons of sentimentality nor loyalty. This is a matter of practical understanding in a world of disease. AT PRESENT if the COVID vaccine is developed and distributed by May 2021… in the United States (because we’re fucked up) there are no guarantees that the Drug Companies won’t try to absolutely fuck us in the ass over it. I don’t want to throw Nancy into a global pandemic with zero insurance. Call it co-dependency but… I’m just that guy. So I told her that she has until MAY to determine how she is going to obtain insurance. If COVID gets worse between now and then… I may keep her on my insurance simply because insurance companies will be in a mood to deeply dick new customers. If COVID gets better… maybe I’ll just cut the insurance whether she has a replacement or not. But we’ll see on that when we get there.
SO THAT IS THE “Important Discussion Stuff” from last night. At least as far as process and procedure go. Then I took her to the basement and rather forced the issue of “Which DVDs are you taking.” My statement to her was, “Take whatever you want, I can replace it. But you have to show me everything you are taking so I can document whether I want to replace it.” Well… this, as it turns out, was a fucking STUPID WAY TO DO THINGS. From a certain point of view. As you see, she selected some stuff that we both truly love and enjoy. And honestly (really, really, really honestly)… between the two of us? SHE’s the “watch TV, watch DVDs” girl… I’m too busy with my books, and my writing, and my video games. Other than when I’m watching a bit of Netflix, I don’t watch many of the DVDs I own. So, yeah. Take what you want! BUT uhm… there was a collection of about 7 DVDs that I had purchased for around $10 each. So when she asked if she could take them; shit yes. Replacing those won’t be an issue! Then I looked up what replacing them would take. In the years since I had purchased the item originally… it had become a Rare Collector’s Item. Instead of $70 for the whole set; it was now $70 per DVD. Well then. SHIT. But I still stand by my decision. It is no less than 98% more likely to actually be watched in Nancy’s possession than mine, so God speed.
We also discussed just… life stuff. I am significantly benefiting from the specific facts surrounding who she is dating, I must confess. Her boyfriend’s ex-wife is a heinous bitch who is constantly draining him of every red cent he owns. So Nancy’s every day is seeing how being a vindictive money-slut of an ex-wife can destroy an otherwise decent person. WHICH may have something to do with why she hasn’t thrown much of a fit about the (I still say generous) check I cut for her. Also, in a way, I’m happy to know how night and day different we are. Which makes sense, obviously. You see, he’s a Cowboy Boot wearing, work with your hands, mechanic-as-a-hobby, you can never have too many pick up trucks, outdoor life loving, small-town boy. Not only is that nothing like me; I think I am literally physically incapable of being anything like that. That’s like her scuba diving the great barrier reef but being happier hiking Mount Fuji. Both sound amazing but I’m not going to fault someone for having a preference. THAT BEING SAID I do need to own my insecurity. Because THE definition of desirable man in this area… is the Cowboy Boot wearing, work with your hands, mechanic-as-a-hobby, you can never have too many pick up trucks, outdoor life loving, small-town boy. But I’m the $500 suit wearing, intelligence is all that matters, video games as a hobby, you can never have too many books, world travel loving, big-city boy. So while it makes a lot of sense that Nancy’s happier with her current beau… the differences between us are also the exact reason that I haven’t found an iota of dating success in the area. Which… is an insecurity I’m owning.
Last thing about last night: She was describing how her boyfriend had gotten himself a motorcycle as a kind of “divorce present” to himself and how she would have been a bit upset by it, since he’s so strapped for cash DUE to the divorce, but he got a great deal since he could fix it up himself. I appreciated the idea of a Divorce Gift to Yourself… something to say, “Hey, you’re going to be okay. You still matter and are worth nice things.” Then I laughed and said, “Though, I actually think I’m going to count Victoria as my Divorce Gift.” Nancy laughed and said that she had actually considered texting me encouragement to go after it. But she thought, “Ooh, go get Victoria! You deserve it!” would have come off weird. I laughed and said, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing about the whole situation. Which peaked her curiosity because the implication there is.... “there’s a whole situation.” So I discussed it. How… yeah. I was now engaged in a friendship that involved sexual activity… that Remus was not only “okay” with it but honestly seemed truly supportive of it… how it is weird navigating these waters because it isn’t JUST “I’m the not-the-husband” guy but that there is also a boyfriend in the mix and I’m “Not The Husband” guy and “Not the Boyfriend” guy and… how that was sometimes hard to manage simply from a desire for intimacy perspective but how it was also probably exactly what I need right now. And, I’ll admit this here but not publicly because it is SO superficial and stupid… it was kind of nice to see Nancy genuinely happy that I’m having a sexual relationship with a woman we BOTH think is stunningly attractive.
NOW ONTO OTHER THINGS.
This morning, I was assessing the house a bit. Remus, Victoria, Essen and the kids are coming over for dinner tomorrow night. Which means I get three amazing cooks using my kitchen to make awesome food… so I’m down. But I should probably mow the yard, clean the downstairs bathroom, do a little tidying in the kitchen, get my laundry done. Just small house stuff to do before company visits that I wanted to get done but couldn’t do Tuesday night with Nancy present. Then Victoria texted. She asked about my pain levels and if my pain would be too much for her to come over tonight. Here’s… I’m having troubles figuring out the best way to say this. Let’s look at 3 hands. On ONE hand: With Victoria over, I may not be able to clean/tidy/chore as freely as I would were she not to come over. ON THE OTHER HAND: I would love some one-on-one time with Victoria for cuddling, faux intimacy, and just… connecting in some way with another person (the way we do). ON THE OTHER, OTHER HAND: Something about seeing Nancy last night got through a block for me. Like yesterday, I was definitely in a “I don’t even want sex” mood just because… life, le sigh. But after seeing Nancy and realizing (1) that we ARE moving towards resolution; and (2) that it was less “I was replaced” and more “prefers Trucks over Boats”… I most certainly want a sexual experience. And the last time Victoria and I were sexual together was exactly 2 weeks ago (huh). So… yeaaaaaaaaah. I don’t exactly know how tonight is going to go… but I will admit that I’m going to try to see if I can’t do it all. Like… walk the dog, and do laundry, and cuddle with Victoria, and then have a sexual liaison all in the same night. And while that may all seem fairly standard to some folks… it really isn’t for me. So we’ll see what happens.
Then tomorrow? WELLLLLLLlllllllllllllllllllllllllll......
10 hearings, 3 trials
One trial is… fairly serious. Because the issue here is that… this is a family KNOWN for “doing whatever they want” and then doing everything they can to make sure they don’t have to accept consequences or responsibility. Like… and this is true… they were drinking and throwing bottles and their neighbor called the cops. Cops came over told them they’d be issued with a Disorderly Citation if it kept up. It kept up, they got the citation. These ADULTS told their kids to go harass the neighbor’s kids. Mercilessly. Brutally. Telling them they “wouldn’t get bullied if your parents didn’t suck!” So… yeah. I can’t abide that. I may lose tomorrow, which would really upset me… but someone has to try to do something about these assholes.
Then I have to prepare for the END of September and the BEGINNING of October.
21: juvenile court day; 4 hearings
22: District Associate Court Day and the Pretrials from hell: 25 hearings
24: 26 hearings; 9 trials!
25: Massive Suppression Hearing on 16 Charges of Sexual Assault
28: District Court Day: Nothing Scheduled YET
29: Boss Leads Sexual Assault Trial
30: Trial Prep Day
OCT 1: 11 Hearings; 2 Bench Trials; 22 Jury Trials.... this day is going to be a FUCKING nightmare and will cause me to do a 14-day Social Quarantine.
Oct 2: Continue Jury Trials
Oct 5: Juvenile Court Day: Hearings booked literally from 9 a.m. through 4 p.m
Oct 6: Nothing Scheduled YET, may take the day to die
Oct 7: PREP DAY
Oct 8: 5 hearings (likely more to be added later); 1 trial (likely more to be added later)
Oct 9: PREP DAY
Oct 12: 5 Hearings
Oct 13: 8 Hearings
Oct 14: PREP DAY
Oct 15: 5 hearings (likely more to be added later); 3 trials (likely more to be added later)
OCT 20: 29 JURY TRIALS PLUS ANY OF THE TRIALS THAT NEEDED TO BE RESCHEDULED FROM SEPTEMBER
So, yeah. Lots of work coming up in the not too distant future!!
AAAAAAAAND I’m sharing this because it is funny
Last updated 3 days ago