Memes and Pics and Stuff I Suppose in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020
- Sept. 14, 2020, 10:23 p.m.
- |
- Public
Either I’m prepared to cover my boss tomorrow; or the world explodes and I have to put together a jury trial with Duct Tape and Sweat. SO.. here… have some of these
Even though mine is an ABSOLUTE PAIN IN THE ASS with zero chill who hates to snuggle but wants to play ALL OF THE DAMNED TIME… I love her and and wish I was hanging out with her right now
AND HERE is a fun “Funny Tinder” but you know what? I’m just… yeah. I’m done with dating apps pretty loudly reminding me that I am unwanted.
“there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst.” But unlike the dying character that said those words, I can’t relax and let it flow through me. I see the beauty and I want to hold onto it. Need to hold onto it. Because even if it is only the beauty of a dog’s smile, or the sun as it dips below the rooftops, or (hell) a Chive Girl that catches my eye in some unique way… grasping onto a brief glimpse at beauty helps propel me forward through all of the ugliness that tends to surround me. I’m not changing my mind. I can take this. I can survive and do well where I’ve chosen to be. But COVID, fascism, climate change, divorce, and the rise of local rapes… all at once? It adds up. It certainly adds up!
Oh… super. Work is always there to encourage me with more Sexual Assault horror. 19 year old. 13 year old. 13 year old is madly in love and doesn’t care what happens to her. 19 year old repeatedly tells his Defense attorney that he’s not attracted to girls older than 15. MULTIPLE COUNTS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT being filed in MULTIPLE COUNTIES. And of course… like EVERY OTHER damned sexual assault IN THIS COUNTY… it isn’t like they went to a farm house, or a field, or one of the other 11 towns in this county. NOPE. It’s always… ALWAYS the town where I live. Which isn’t even the County Seat!!
GAH! AND EVEN MORE BULLSHIT!
Jury Trial slated for tomorrow for boss? New video evidence just handed to us today. NOT THAT WE NEEDED IT but since we’re controlled by Brady Discovery Rules of Procedure, we are required to turn the videos over to Defense Counsel. Who may then demand additional time to review the video evidence. Which means I may have to invent a jury trial out of salt water and duct tap after all!!
But first… more Domestic Violence bullshit!! Beat the shit out of his girlfriend. Arrested, charged, released. 24 hours later, breaks in to her home, beats her up. Arrested, charged, released. 24 hours later, breaks in to her home, beats her up. Arrested, charged. I beg the magistrate not to let him out; he’s created a CLEAR pattern!. Released. 24 hours later, breaks in to her home, beats her up. We straight up charge him with Burglary, Stalking, everything. Now Defendant and his family is on our phone talking about how we’re ruining his life. ###YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR DAMNED MIND!
Y’know what? All this other shit, I’m just going to embrace the GR in me and vent about shit I’ve vented about before but this is what is in my heart right now regarding my own personal shit.
I am still BLOWN AWAY that my standards for a relationship were so low and Nancy still didn’t give a fuck. ANYONE READING THIS: If you were required to “pitch in around the house”, “help with the dog”, and engage in sexual activity at least twice a year… and in exchange you would have all of your financial needs met, have a best friend that wanted to make you happy and take care of you, and you could pursue whatever job/hobby/interest you wanted.... does that sound like a terrible, awful, no good, horrible life?
And this is that dark thinking that jumps in. The shit where the physical hurt and the depression tag team to say, “Chris… you’re so ugly that a woman literally rejected Easy Street just so she wouldn’t have to fuck you. You took care of her for years and it was never enough. And now you know why. Because in the modern world of online dating… where attraction is just about the only thing that matters… you can’t even get a returned message in conversations. Nancy replaced you in three weeks. Victoria keeps you at arms length. And the Internet Dating has resoundingly rejected you. All the while you spend your days trying to make the world a better place for women who are suffering abuse, violence, and rape. You. Are the definition. Of a chump. You are so dedicated to making a better world for the very people that don’t care about you. Even after everything that happened, you still care about Nancy and want better for her, too. You. ASS! You spend so much time and energy without getting anything back. When is it going to be enough for you? When are you going to get fed up with trying to save a world that isn’t WORTH IT?
stargazing ⋅ September 15, 2020
You are not a chump. Nor are you ugly. You are a person who was in love and took their commitments seriously. The fact that Nancy didn't, isn't a reflection on you---it is a reflection on her. It shouldn't be surprising to you that she is avoiding working out any of the details of your separation. She's been avoiding anything difficult practically your entire marriage. She's probably dragging her feet because she knows once things are settled, she's on her own financially. And if I were in her position, that would be terrifying to me. Nancy is a miserable person. Be thankful she will no longer be your responsibility soon.
hippiechica15 stargazing ⋅ September 15, 2020
Exactly this.
Park Row Fallout stargazing ⋅ September 15, 2020
Thanks. It's just... it can be really hard in the best of circumstances and we are certainly not in the best of circumstances right now. It just really feels like... I was alone with someone for so long, and it was so easy for them to replace me... and now I'm alone by myself. And... in some really awful ways, it feels like it was better to be alone with someone than alone by myself.
stargazing Park Row Fallout ⋅ September 15, 2020
I completely get that this situation is super hard. The end of a relationship is difficult, and then you throw in a pandemic and everything that 2020 has brought, and that makes for a very challenging time. But do yourself a favor. Don't make things more difficult for yourself by telling yourself things like you are ugly or a chump. Be kind to yourself. Would you say mean things to a friend? I don't think you are that kind of person. So why say those kinds of things to yourself? You are a great guy, and someday someone is going to be very lucky to have you. I don't think you really believe that it was better to be alone with Nancy. Really think about what life was like with Nancy. Don't romanticize it. Think of the emotional abuse she put you through. You deserve better than what Nancy gave you. And now you can work towards getting better.
Always Laughing ⋅ September 15, 2020
Agree with stargazing
woman in the moon ⋅ September 15, 2020
YOU ARE A ........ hold on....... A TV SERIES!!! On HBO. I'd pay to watch,,,, or at the very least catch clips on Youtube.
Were you a Sopranos fan at all? I am getting my most personal happiness lately watching Talking Sopranos on youtube. New one every week. I can't explain why I like it. But it's conversation. With a focus.