It is so weird all the different balls that life can throw at you. I hope and pray that cancer will not be one for me, however I have this feeling that I will get it some day. It kind of feels like one of those things that I am destined for. I am totally fine if I am incorrect with that feeling.
Today I learned that K, from my entry 2 back, has breast cancer. There is no family history, and she is a pretty healthy person. Why did cancer choose her? idk, cancer is horrible beast. She lives back in my hometown and we aren’t really close friends these days, but I still feel so bad for her.
My mother had breast cancer. It was discovered when I was 8 years old. It was pretty bad, and I remember sitting on her bed in her bedroom watching her as she had clumps of hair coming off of her head. That year when I was 8 was a very bad year for me. I had all that bullying going on and then all the stuff going on with my Mother. She was very sick and I remember there being a very long time that she was in a big hospital an hour away from where we lived. Every Monday I received a special present from her. Sometimes it was a toy, other times a book. Each came with a special note from my Mom.
Then one day I was taken to her. I hadn’t seen her since I was under the age that they allowed children to visit, but I realize now that they did not expect my mother to live, so they took me there. An older man talked to me, he must have been a priest, pastor, counselor, I have no idea. And he spoke to me sweetly and said that my Mother was very sick and would mostly likely be going to see God and live with Him in heaven.
It totally went over my head. I just wanted to see my Mom kwim? It had been forever since I had seen her. The idea of death did not really permeate into my head. The nice man said that my Mom would look different, she was very very sick, and that she had machines that were helping her so I would see tubes and there would be all this stuff hooked up to her.
So we got to the room and she was lying there on the bed and it was true, it did not look like her, but she started to talk to me and it sounded just like her. I went and hugged her the best I could and then what? I don’t remember.
Somehow she lived! She had stage 4 cancer for 22 years. Can you believe it? Though the last 7 years of her life were beyond terrible, and the last year was hell on earth.
On the other side was my friend R. He was 17 years old when his leg started to hurt really bad. He told me I was not to tell his mother, that he was tough and he could get through it. He stopped eating as much and started to look really sick. This was all in the span of maybe a week or two. His mom took him to the drs who then sent him to the hospital. I went and visited him on Friday and he told me he had leukemia. His Mom said he would be just fine, that he would probably go to the City of Hope for treatment. He died on Sunday.
Just a couple of days of finding out.
Cancer is such an evil beast.
In Psalms 139:16 it says that all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
I’ve just been thinking about that one a bit. If that is the case we have no control over when we go, that it was ordained from the beginning. Does that explain the 5 pack a day smokers that lived to 90? idk. What do you think?