I’m riding an anxiety attack right now. I’m feeling overwhelmed with a desperate need to shrink my surroundings. To push everyone and everything away. I’m aware of my narcissistic traits and ways of manipulation. I am used to being enabled. Used to others being responsible for me. Women, always women. I’m weary of fear and feeling in need. Life’s not this way.
I ran out of places to hide, again. I know when I’m self-sabotaging. When I’m murdering ambition and passion. I create a mirage of comfort and control at the end of failure. This is what I convinced myself that I will be leaving behind if I move. Life’s not this way.
This is an inside job. It must be this way. Leaving my garden of comfort zones. The time has come for growth. I am meant to triumph. To make it and help others. I’ve buried myself and I forgot that I am a seed.
Unhinged, emotional incontinence is what I am suppressing. I’ve run out of time, I have to act right now. I don’t feel ready and my habit loops are wired to make me afraid. I can’t listen to it. That voice that always says you will be safe if you just don’t. That voice will not lead me to a real quiet and calm.
Ok, I think I’ve calmed myself down enough to just get on with it already. I was about ready to start breathing in a paper bag.