Today was the day we funeralized my little cousin. It was bittersweet. We were all broken down for real.
Before hand, I thought I would be asked to sing, but when I never got a call about it, I felt I was off the hook. I show up at the funeral home and was told, “Oh here’s another singer,” by the cousin who is always trying to make me sing. I thought I could do it, but I couldn’t make it through it. I choked and cried because I was overcome. Goodness, I have a headache right now. I took something for it. I just want to relax.
My brother pointed out something that I had seen but never said anything about: Our family village started to disintegrate when my grandfather passed. I felt that difference. It was noticeable. He was our rock. We did what Papa said. Damn our parents being around. Then, things worsened when my grandmother passed. Now we are here.
I’ve often thought about, as well, that growing up in the same house as our cousins, we were more like siblings. The Core 5 on Aubert so to speak. So these were my babies too. He was one of my babies.
I have this headache. I need to chill.
I have to go to work in the morning.
I also am watching my grandson right now.
Him was in town. I knew he was coming to town, just not when. I didn’t get to see him. We talked on the phone and texted a bit. I offered to come see him even from a distance, when I had time, but he’d been busy physically that he was tired. I understood. That was fine.
Was probably better that I didn’t see him.
So I’m just…blah. I’m here though and grateful to be here.
Take care of yourselves.
My love to you all.