If there was ever one thing I could wish on someone I hate it would be pathological narcissism. They are so deeply codependent and they know it. They have a love/hate relationship with everything because they resent that they need it. They are powerless and they know it because they will never be able to make themselves happy. They’re so pathetic in needing supply every three minutes. No matter how big that bank account is, no matter how many people they bang or how much attention and sympathy they can get and no matter how beautiful they sculpt their bodies or whatever it is that they do to get supply from others they will never be happy. They will never be enough and that is a curse that will eat them alive from the inside out throughout their entire miserable little existence. They are their own karma and we don’t even have to do anything to make them suffer because they will just do it to themselves.
Anyways, I have noticed that I been overreacting a bit to people and I suppose that I developed this pattern of behaviour in response to me constantly having to justify myself to people who don’t want to listen to understand me. I don’t actually want to be this offputting but I can’t go back to holding everything in just to avoid making somebody uncomfortable with my opinions. Some people give it right back and that’s perfect. We’re all meant to be great, not comfortable. It’s not that I am conscious about trying to tear someone down or build someone up I’m just going to be as authentic as I can and just hope that it adds value to others. It is this victim mentality that has a strong presence in my life and I have strong boundaries when it comes to covert narcissists. They don’t want to heal, they want to hang on to their victim mentality and use me to amplify their pain to justify why the world is so cruel to them. That makes me a supply so that means they get a bit hooked and that is not exactly an ideal situation that I want to be in. Recent interactions are different, they seem to have a need to tear me down or gaslight. Have me question my whole reality. Blah. Yeah, this is a random entry but it was on my mind today. I’m on my way to a park that has outdoor gym equipment. My friend Bruce is pretty excited as she is on a weightloss journey and I can never say no to someone who wants me around for that. I love being around people with victor mentalities. Especially now as I’m about to leave this whole life behind to start somewhere new.