I’m feeling a little vulnerable right now. I already tried to write this entry once and I was interrupted by my tears. There is no use lying to myself about it. I don’t have time to pretend that I don’t have my mind made up. I feel like I have the world on my side here. I know it’s what I got to do, find a dream that’s new and give it all I got this time. I’m leaving Winnipeg. When you need food you feel hungry. When you need water you feel thirsty. When you need to grow you feel… stuck. I don’t know what’s out there but I know I’ll get there. I have to leave everything I know so I can learn to grow and I have a very small window here but I am moving on. I feel strong enough for the fight and I can’t grow while I’m around people who want to stop me from touching the sky. I am ready to be in control of my life, officially.
I cried because it is going to be hard to say goodbye to my niece and nephew. I’ve been living with them here their whole lives. They have my heart. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye to my grandmother. It will likely be the last time I see her. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye to my mother. She’s going to be so crushed and so scared for me. This is going to devastate her. I’ve been her broken problem child that she got used to micromanaging. I’ve also been her support, we grew up together after all. She had me when she was still a kid, 17. It’s going to be hard to leave my comfort zones but I can’t hang on to them anymore. They’re holding me back. This is my moment to head off into the sun and soar and see what I’m made of. Did I cry a few more times while writing this? Yes. I’m going to watch Billy Elliot tonight, my go-to cry movie and keep this decision to myself for as long as possible. My window of opportunity is weeks.