My heart hurts in Torridaussity Two

  • Aug. 31, 2020, 10:24 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

I’m emotionally in overdrive right now. I’m down and out and yes I will get out of it, but needed to tell someone, anyone so I don’t have to pretend to be ok everywhere in my life.
Reasons
1. I’ve seen a deterioration in my back muscles lately causing me an increase of pain.
2. My aunt’s mind is deteriorating and when my brother and I were finally able to do an in person yet socially distanced visit she didn’t know who we were, this saddens me greatly.
3. I miss Don…the pseudo ex from back in March and this makes me angry and sad at the same time because I was basically nothing to him in the end so I shouldn’t miss him and yet I do.
4. I’ve been surrounded by perverts lately and men that want to use me and I hate it.
5. I’m nervous about going back to school to work with my client. We did do in person summer school but there were 8 people total in the room and maybe 12 in the school total. This will be twice that in the rooms and way more in the whole building. I’m a person with compromised health, but also have to pay my bills. Thankfully covid is low here.
6. I’m not lonely, but I miss having that person I can share all this with and have them support me.
7. I’m tired more than usual, it’s my own fault. I’m way behind on my b12 injections because they started to really hurt and I needed a break and just fell way behind.
8. My parents are showing their age a.nd their bad health more and more.
9. My brother is still here and still unemployed.

There’s probably more, but gotta get sleep tomorrow is my 32nd first day of school. Thanks for reading.


Symmetry August 31, 2020

Lots of stuff going on there. I find we often miss the idea of a person, not the person themselves. The idea behind what we would have liked to have had with them.

I'm so sorry about your aunt. And it's rough to see parents in decline, a constant reminder of never having enough time with the people we love.

I've also been having some lower back issues. I am not sure how to strengthen those muscles but I do think it's time I start to look into ways I can get those muscles stronger. I was out of commission for a few days the last time I threw my back out. I was still doing stuff but not like I am used to doing stuff.

Always Laughing Symmetry ⋅ September 01, 2020

If you find any ways to strengthen them let me know. Thank you for you thoughtful comments and good advice.

Small Town Girl August 31, 2020

That is way too much going on all at once. I'm sorry you're carrying such a burden. 2020 has been so hard.

Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ September 01, 2020

It's been hard on us all, hugs.

Jlynnaz 🌺 September 01, 2020

man, 2020 just sucks in general. That's a lot of crap to be dealing with right now. I'm sorry' I hope things ease up a bit.

Always Laughing Jlynnaz 🌺 ⋅ September 01, 2020

thank you

Dictynna September 19, 2020

When are you heading back to work? If it's not for a little while then hopefully the COVID stuff will have calmed down even more.

I was just reading back through old diary entries over at Open Diary from back when I was embroiled in my four-year one night stand, and I was cringing. Man, the shit I put up with! But I understand all too well that 'I miss him' feeling.

Always Laughing Dictynna ⋅ September 20, 2020

I am back full time and so far doing ok.

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