Angst in Current Events

  • Aug. 29, 2020, 11:45 p.m.
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I was stuck in a mood swing for the last three days. Today I suspect it will continue. This angst is probably not strictly withdrawal from my meds. However, my anxiety is making a comeback. Obsessive thoughts, today there is a tightness in my chest. I know exactly what will trigger it so I am going to have to resist consuming politics. STOP YOU ARE INSANE NO ONE IS LISTENING said the degenerate Josh Cade. I tagged him in some footage that showed irrefutably that Kyle Rittenhouse did not fire the first shot. This was in response to a post propagating that Kyle was there to hunt protestors. When a lefty posts something I debunk it or explain how it is just an opinion being passed off as fact. Which means nothing to a leftist. Absolutely nothing and it is so frustrating. I have to remind myself that I am not trying to persuade the poster just the readers. However, I do feel like I am pushing people away and that everybody wants me to stay silent. I have nobody on my side. Sure I don’t have a big audience if any but Nazi Germany had a silent majority too. I’m thinking about ordering a little mic so I can start recording what I want to say and just go against big techs communist standards and free speech it up.

When people insult me I have to remind myself who I am and that I do not give anybody else the job of liking me. It is my job alone. I don’t externalize my power, anymore. My sister’s boyfriend Justin blocked me on Facebook. I ruined his little victim fantasy. I’m perfectly fine playing the supervillain in his made-up victim story but we are the victims of his drug use, not him and I don’t let people make excuses. He wants to act like I truly hurt him but he forgets that I lived with him while he was using and he was an absolute sociopath who tore through my family and exploited our kindness. Now he’s recovering but he’s still a narcissist so, in his mind, he is the real victim here. He’s never held himself accountable or apologized. He’s just so sure that we’re all feeling sorry for him. Sure, he almost died and he was so wicked and evil that we were barely even rooting for him to survive. Yes, I said that. I do my shadow work. He survived, no he gets all the attention that he wanted.

I suppose that I have been going outside my comfort zone, I went most of my life never saying anything. Did not say a word in high school. It takes a lot of nerve for me to just say what I’m going to say these days without worrying about how it will be received. I’m trying to work on this self-consciousness. I only returned to Facebook to talk about politics. To develop my sensemaking, debating, opinions and all that good stuff which is not intrinsic, clearly. It still blows my mind that a person can look at a fact that proves them wrong but still call me the crazy one because I can’t see how Trump is Hitler… I can’t make this shit up.

Anyway, I’m going to have to be selfish and self-serving today. I have a lot to do that I absolutely keep putting off. My life sucks but that is my doing and my responsibility. I did have that groupthink just a few months ago and I contributed my suckage at life to that fake hierarchy. I would just amplify my pain to justify how the world was so cruel “minorities”. Now that I’ve transcended my identities and fully understand my personal responsibility I feel like I have to turn around and help others. Which is hard because they prefer to relate to people that look like them and I prefer to relate to others who think like me. Talking with conservatives is so refreshing because nobody is talking about their identities. None of this as a gay man I feel that blah blah. Diversity on the right is ideological. This is where MLK and Malcolm X would be today. Man, Candace Owens had been ringing the bell for the last three years that BLM was going to come out of hiding. Jordan Peterson had been sounding the alarm about these riots and chaos, neo-Marxism is dangerous. Just when we need them the most… JP had a series of unfortunate health problems. Curse his all-beef diet! Candace Owens announced yesterday that she is pregnant. That she is obviously laying low during her pregnancy as mainstream media constantly attack her and threaten her. Her PSA gave me chills. It was the ultimate “BLM” statement about pro-life. That black life inside her matters. Fact: more black babies are aborted than born alive in States like New York. I predict that pro-life and pro-choice is going to become the next human rights battle after the Dems pack up BLM for the next election cycle. Judging by the RNC which featured multiple pro-lifers. One of which brought up Kamala’s infanticide, that she denies healthcare to babies that survive abortion. Oddly enough, the only place I get nuanced dialogue and debates is with pro-lifers. I like having a full-bodied opinion and my arguments for pro-choice fail miserably. These are not unhinged bible thumbers as I used to believe when I had the groupthink. Anyway, I’m going to get to it.

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