Last One for the Night, I promise in Reconstruction

  • Aug. 24, 2020, 10:30 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

So… today was busy hectic stressful at work. I was planning to go home, walk the dog, eat food, do laundry, read a book, and go to bed. But when I got home?

I saw that Nancy had visited the house to take away the rest of her clothes. Now, she had mentioned she would be doing this. In her last communication to me. On Thursday. Right around the time where she (finally) signed the Separation Agreement. But that’s just it. No communication from her since Thursday. Meaning, no response to my proposed schedule for when to file for divorce. No response to my proposed schedule for when to go to the bank since we both need to be present to sign on the dotted line. No communication whatsoever. Including no communication for when she entered my house, removed things, and left. Not even a hand written note on the counter saying, “Grabbed my stuff! NK” Nothing. Which… first of all, sends the insecure man in me right down the path of “Is she trying to avoid me?” But second of all, sends the slightly paranoid man in me down a path of “You need to communicate with me if you are going to enter my house.”

So I was fighting off the urge to text her either of those impulses and I started laundry. As I was putting it away, I realized that Nancy had also taken her jewelry box which usually sits on our wardrobe. She had gone through it to remove anything she thought was mine. 2 rings that haven’t fit me since college, silver cuff-links from a wedding, a Claddagh ring which now barely fits on my pinkie finger, my wedding ring. But also? Her wedding ring. And I don’t know why but… that hit like a punch in the gut for some reason. Like… she didn’t consider it HER ring to keep and do what she wanted to with it. She decided to leave it behind and make dealing with it no longer a part of her life. And… I don’t know, blame my over-active mind and penchant for the romantic… it just felt like a message. Like she was saying, “I’m leaving this relationship behind. It held no special value to me nor any room in my heart. TTFN. Bye!” And I know it is simply 1 woman who doesn’t like jewelry leaving 1 item of jewelry behind but (1) it was done intentionally; (2) it is one of the only pieces of jewelry I ever gave her; (3) it feels like another symbolic reminder of her actions during this entire issue. She didn’t care that much, she was able to replace me quickly, thanks for taking care of me until now but I’ve got somebody else, k-thanks-bye. And I get that I can’t make somebody feel a certain way but… she was my wife for 9 years. You’d think the relationship would have meant something to her. On some level. And… yeah. That’s just where I am on that tonight.


Starhawk August 24, 2020

Does she have ALL of her things now?

If so, it is time to change the locks.

Park Row Fallout Starhawk ⋅ August 25, 2020

Not even close, unfortunately

DE_KentuckyGirl Park Row Fallout ⋅ August 25, 2020 (edited August 25, 2020)

Edited

You should change the locks anyway and tell her she must now arrange to come with you. You don't have free access to her house and she shouldn't have free access to yours even if she lived there before. She no longer does, hasn't for months. Give her a date to get her shit by. You're a lawyer. Figure out the legal limit to when you can toss her shit on the curb after a reasonable amount of time and documented notification to get her shit

caramelchicken August 25, 2020

I agree it's time to change the locks. You're not paranoid for wanting her to at least communicate with you about entering your house.

I'm sorry it hurts so much. It's totally understandable that seeing her leave behind her wedding ring would affect you like this. It's a shit situation.

Always Laughing August 25, 2020

If I had an ex husband who had done that, the bandaid covering my wounds would've been ripped off when I saw the ring...i agree with others, she needs to not have access to anything anymore. It's only going to keep causing you more pain and you don't deserve that. She is avoiding you because I feel she doesn't want a separate bank account because that means she can't rely on you to financially support her anymore. Even if you open a new account and empty the old that's a solution if she won't close the old.

DE_KentuckyGirl August 25, 2020 (edited August 25, 2020)

Edited

Change the locks now. And I'd watch the bank account. Technically, if her name is on it she can clean it out before you all take her name off. Not saying she will do that coz I don't know her but... may be judicious to create another account in just your name and route your check there. Then just close the account with Nancy, give her half the money in it.

girl in recession August 25, 2020

I mean, maybe I'm a total asshole, but if bf went to shack up with someone else and I thought he might still have the key to my place, I'd have changed the locks immediately and his shit would be on the front lawn.

Pretend Mulling girl in recession ⋅ August 25, 2020

^^This is the best course of action, honestly.

Purple Dawn Pretend Mulling ⋅ August 25, 2020

yes

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