Spontaneity in Reconstruction

  • Aug. 24, 2020, 10:42 a.m.
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  • Public

So if there’s one thing that Victoria absolutely brings to my life… it is spontaneity. Right now, my schedule for the week looks pretty “copy/paste”.
Go home
pick up dog poop
walk the dog
play with the dog
DO HOUSE CHORES (dishes, laundry, tidy, etc)
Make and/or Eat Food
A FUN THING (read, watch movie, video games)
play with the dog

But in truth? A lot of that is asterisked with Provided Victoria Doesn’t Come Over.

Which is actually cool. Like… it isn’t the frustration of spontaneity. I quite like the idea that the mundane repetition of my life can be broken up with a bit of red-haired sunshine at a moment’s notice.

She also lent me a book that she and Remus are certain I’ll tear through quickly. Ironically, I didn’t ask them what “quickly” meant to them. Like… the book isn’t that long. It’s a book on certain sexual play styles… not presumptuous of them. I am open about being a Switch (meaning equally enjoys role of Dominance or Submissive) but I’ve been open with them about my concerns in actually embracing the Dominance angle. There is a fear there. I spend a lot of energy honestly suppressing my more… sinister nature. The desire to control, to punish, to allow my will to dominate others. I suppress that because it seems so unkind and dis-compassionate. Not to be too graphic in this place but Victoria and I had an interesting discussion on this. She asked if I ever imagined hurting her. I have. She asked if knowing she’d consent to that in a specific sexual function makes it better. It didn’t. Because I am honestly a little afraid of the “What if I like it?” Portion. What if I discover a true joy in sadism? What does that say about me as a person? So… that’s why I think they offered me the book. So that I could really consider these elements and register it all intellectually. Because in truth? It probably isn’t healthy to be afraid of a part of yourself. It would be better to access it, analyze it, control it. Not… push it down and hope it never comes up.

Meanwhile, in American Politics… the GOP just did the stupidest fucking batshit insane thing ever.

Today starts the Republican National Convention. In times of Sanity, this would be where the party would create a few flagpole issues and claim to have a platform that inspires voters. Something time tried and worn out like “Faith, Family, Future” where the platform is uniquely “Anti-Abortion, Anti-Gay, Anti-Muslim, and Pro-Corporation” policy proposals. This morning, allegedly, no platform was offered. NO PLATFORM WAS OFFERED. Instead, the GOP’s Convention focus (again, allegedly) is described as follows:
“the GOP passed a resolution saying that “the Republican Party has and will continue to enthusiastically support the President’s America-first agenda.” The party appears now to be Trump’s to do with as he pleases. The primary danger of this is that it entirely removes ANY sanity from the GOP. As was specifically stated in the 1980s, 1990s, and as seen in every day of this presidency: Donald Trump believes that chaos, turnover, and “constantly shifting narratives” are good business. That may (or may not) have been true of real estate but it is NOT true of governance. And for the GOP to simply throw their hands up officially and say, “The toddler is too powerful, he gets to make the rules now” is shameful. The fact that my county will still likely go to Trump in November sickens me.

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Last updated August 24, 2020

Starhawk August 24, 2020

Because I am honestly a little afraid of the “What if I like it?” Portion. What if I discover a true joy in sadism? What does that say about me as a person?

Given the events of your life that you've described, I can see how being allowed to be genuinely aggressive and 'take' what you want could be very appealing.

So what if you do like sadism and find joy in it? No, seriously, so what? LOTS of people need that sort of activity in the bedroom. It's nothing to feel bad about. As long as you find an outlet for that in consensual activities and remain within agreed-upon boundaries, then nothing is wrong. There's no need to clutch pearls and feel like something's wrong with you.

hippiechica15 Starhawk ⋅ August 24, 2020

Agree here!

Pretend Mulling Starhawk ⋅ August 24, 2020

All of this.

Just Some Girl Starhawk ⋅ August 24, 2020

I agree too!

DE_KentuckyGirl August 24, 2020 (edited August 24, 2020)


As long as you're within the confines of consensual activity, it doesn't really say much about you. You realize as a sub, you'd be submitting to someone else who may enjoy hurting someone? Do you feel any more or less understanding of them as a person, or do you recognize it for what it is? A sexual fetish that you'd absolutely never impart onto a non consensual partner?

Don't overthink it.

girl in recession August 24, 2020

I love the comics!

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