I wish it didn't hit me so hard in Diary

Today I received an email from the job I applied for that they are not interested in me for the position, that they have other candidates whose skills better fit what they're looking for. I have a lot of call center experience in addition to face to face customer service, so I'm not sure what they're talking about. Reading that email put me in a bad mood, a depressed mood, instantly. It makes me want to just say f* it and be self-destructive. I'm so discouraged. I don't even know what to do. I can't even get an employer to interview me let alone offer me a job. And I need one badly and I'm a good worker and I'm eager to work. It's not like I don't have any skills, either. Because I do.

This entry would have been a lot longer had I not checked my email. Now I don't feel like writing anymore. Maybe I should just start doing drugs again. I won't, but I'm discouraged enough that the thought did cross my mind. The wind has gone out of my sails.

I have to remember that tomorrow evening, at 6:30pm, I have an appointment with my Bishop. My confidence in general is all shot to hell. I have little faith in my ability to change. The "Forum" would tell me I don't need to change, that I'm okay right now. But I'm not okay, and I do need to change. This may surprise you, but I want to be happy, and I can't be happy living like this.

A riddle for you from a Dark Tower novel: Today he is there to trip you up and he will torture you tomorrow. Yet he is also there to ease the pain, when you are lost in grief and sorrow.

(What am I?)