fiery heat waves in 2020

3:03pm

I am currently sitting in my darkened dining room listening to music and pondering why I don’t ever seem to make the time to come in here to update.

The room is dark for a couple reasons. The first because we’ve had triple digit temps all week [read: 112, 109, 111, etc] and most houses are not equipped with air conditioning around here. The energy grid is apparently maxing out and they are considering rolling blackouts so I’m both trying to conserve energy and keep it as cool as possible.

Especially because the other reason it’s almost completely dark in here is because despite sitting in front of the window with the curtain open the smoke from the fires [50+ miles away] are completely clouding the skies. It looks like it would when a really bad storm rolls through, dark and ominous, only it also includes this extra eerie orange hue. The wind started a couple hours ago and it has really kicked everything up. You can see the ashes floating around and every item outside is covered in tiny white specks. We live at the end of the valley so when the wind kicks up it pushes every thing through the valley right to us. I imagine the pressure in the air from this heat wave is oppressing a lot of this from escaping and clearing out. So here we are with terrible air quality and extreme heat warnings.

The last two days I’ve had to choose between dying from heat exhaustion or smoke inhalation. I’ve opted for smoke inhalation because I can barely function let alone sleep in this heat. We only have one fan and I’ve been letting mom take that to her room at night. She needs it more than I do. The evenings don’t cool as much as they normally would but the wind would get the stifling air moving around and it helped a little.

Tonight I definitely think I’m going to have to choose heat exhaustion and not sleeping. It’s so bad out there. Supposedly it was going to clear a little overnight and early this morning but when I woke up around 8am there was already a thick layer with this orange hue. It’s only gotten worse since the wind started. I was supposed to go to the office in a bit when mom gets home but I’ve decided nothing is important enough to go out in this weird environment. I mean at least we’re all already wearing masks so I have those handy, but still. No thanks. Maybe I’ll move my couch closer to the dining room ceiling fan tonight and that’ll help a little. We’ll see how it goes. It is slightly cooler today, and by that I mean my phone currently reads 98.

What a crazy weird year huh? 2020; I swear.

Anyway, I have no idea what I last wrote about. It’s been so long and I suck at keeping up with this this year. I feel like this is the year that I should actually be keeping up the most but ah well. It hasn’t happened so far. It just feels like I’m still stuck in March.

Things with EC are still going strong. We talk more and more about getting married and moving in together. Sharing thoughts and ideas. We’re mostly on the same page. I’m trying to teach him about saving money and he takes a little time to think it through but eventually comes around. This last Saturday night it was so hot when we got back from the neighbours house [they’re letting us in again! haha. for a few weeks now but only because they know we’re both being super safe and not running around all over] that we sat outside in the courtyard until like 1:00am. There was lightning flashing far off in the distance which at first I thought I was imagining but he [and the news, and these fires!] confirmed my eyes were fine. My point is that he asked if I would be willing to just take over the finances, which of course I am. I love saving and budgeting and keeping all that on track. I just didn’t quite understand if he meant after we’re married or before because he made it seem like sooner than that.

Before we got together I discovered that he had a big fear of being with a woman and her trying to take half his stuff if it didn’t work out. At first I made a lot of jokes about it because it seemed like such a weird fear to have but I guess it is pretty legitimate. So I stopped joking and started reassuring him that that would never happen with me. I wouldn’t want anything that isn’t mine and I wouldn’t want him to try to take from me what isn’t his. Not to say that if we get married we won’t share but I’m pretty sure the majority of the income will come from him and I don’t want any of that if we don’t work out.

I mean, in reality there are only two reasons I would want to get a divorce: cheating and abuse. Those are my absolute deal breakers and unless I’m missing something I think we can work through everything else. We are actually really great at communicating. Even just that same night we had a good talk about our feelings. He’d said something earlier in the night about wanting a girl that was assertive/aggressive and the way he said it made me totally feel like he was saying I wasn’t quite enough for him and I needed to change. It turns out that he doesn’t even remember saying it or in what context it came out [I don’t either] and reassured me that I was enough. That he really respects me and doesn’t want to ever do anything to screw this up. That he really likes seeking my advice when he’s stuck not only because I’m well educated but also because he really values my opinion.

He says little things like that to me all the time. That night he noticed my mood had changed even though I thought I’d blown it off pretty well. Guess not because when I told him about that moment he said, “Ahh, so that’s why you were acting different all evening.” I tried to tell him a lot of it was the heat [I really can’t stand it!] but he knew/saw something I didn’t even know I was showing. I love that he can do that but it also scares me a little. You know to be that close to someone.

Yesterday mom and I’d gone shopping in the city where he works and it was getting later and I suggested we all go eat. He got off early because it was too hot and we worked it out to meet up. Ate in 108 degree weather outdoors because some moron suggested it. haha. It worked out ok though. I miss eating out so much! And afterwards I left with him to go shopping. He’s been wanting a new button up shirt for Vegas [more on that in a bit] so we went to a store that’s closing and he found some great deals. When he tried on the first shirt I made a comment on it and he said that he was doing it for me. That he wanted to impress me and make a good first impression on my family. It was such a small thing to say but it really stuck with me that he wants to look good for me. I like that.

So the Vegas thing. Originally we planned to have this huge party for mom in Vegas for her 70th birthday! But then of course covid-19 has destroyed everything and it’s gone from 30+ people to now officially 8. Mostly my family: aunt, uncle/aunt, mom, and I, plus a friend couple we met through work, and EC. Which I guess isn’t bad. On mom’s side literally the only person missing from the immediate family is my brother. I mentioned it to him kinda late because I figured he wouldn’t come since he’s been so weird not talking to mom. When I told him he said it was kinda last minute as if he would have actually considered it, but I doubt it. I do want him to know that he better get his shit together because if I get married they’re going to have to be in the same room together [him and mom] but it wasn’t the right time to talk about it.

He did mention that EC and I should go up to WA at some point so he can meet him but it’s so hard to travel and do the tourist things I’d love to do right now. He’ll be the last person EC has left to meet after he meets my uncle next week. I’m looking forward to having him around for all of this.

We’re going to be there for a few days and probably just hang out most of the time. I know some things are open but 1) I’m not doing too well health-wise [terrible limp, super bad leg muscle strength right now. Mostly because I haven’t been on any meds in months] and 2) not really wanting to expose myself to too much. Although I do think Vegas is probably the cleanest it’s ever been. hah. It’ll be nice to get away with my family to celebrate my mom, even in a much smaller scale. And it’ll be really nice to finally be able to have a man I love come along with me. I’m excited to bring him into the family and see what everyone thinks. I’m excited to have another travel partner. I’m just excited over all to be with him and to finally enjoy life with someone like him. Things really are going well!

We’ll see how things go on the trip. Of course I’m taking lots of extra precautions. The good thing about not being on any meds is that I don’t have to worry too much about a super compromised immune system. I’m still taking wipes/sanitizer along and will scrub everything on the plane/hotel room. I’ve also learned to be very good about not touching my face. I wash hands every chance I get and of course we’ll be wearing masks the whole time. Mom actually just made me a new one by hand that I think will be much more comfortable. And if it comes down to it we’ll just drink in the room. It’s cheaper that way anyway. haha.

I always say, or want to say, that I’ll be better at updating this but the truth is that I don’t know if I will. I’m not alone as much as I used to be, but we shall see.

Until next time.
Stay safe. Stay distant. Stay happy.

rose.
3:43pm