Chipping in First entry

Today I did it. I signed the form that would allow her to purchase the house that her and her boyfriend will live in. I put my name down that I have accepted she is gone. As I signed it and her eyes were fixed on the paper. I looked into her eyes and rembered every smile, every I love you and I thought how, barring a miracle from God, making those memories
is finished. Today I though of an analogy that really hit home. I feel like my heart is Cinderella’s ball gown as the evil stepsisters rip it apart. Every step is another yank. Every signature I can hear my future being ripped apart. As she dismantles everything we built, I can feel a little piece of my heart break. Slowly she is chipping away at the life we built together. I don’t understand. Why does it have to be so sudden. What is she running away from so hard? Is it she feels if she doesn’t do it now she will change her mind? Does she think she can hurt me enough that I’ll stop loving her? I can’t. I don’t know how. The woman I have loved for nearly 16 years, I can’t stop what I feel. I just absorb the pain. Each strike of the hammer, I can feel the flesh of my heart just sliced away. But, what she doesn’t realize it’s not just my heart she is destroying. Our kids, I see it in their eyes. I see it in how they are clinging to me. As I feel myself slowly bleeding on the inside I try to stand strong for the kids. I hug them and tell them we love them and it’s going to be ok, but I know she is doing the same thing to their hearts. The scars are always going to be there. The pain has to eventually fade, but the scars will remain. I never thought I would be capable of loving someone that hurt me so much. I always thought I would be the guy that said goodbye and walked away. Still, I can’t. I am not actively trying to pursue her, but I can’t give up the last part of my heart that holds hope she will wake up. I tell myself that she will see the path of destruction she is leaving and she will come to understand. Chip chip chip.....my heart breaks. I guess the next step is her taking the bedroom suit we have upstairs with her. The irony is it’s the first set of furniture we bought together. The bed is the same.bed conceived our son on. It’s traveled from NC to AZ and back to NC throughout our marriage. Now she takes it to start her new relationship. I know that will be when the kids and I feel the deepest rip so far. And I’m left wondering why.