general entry in Diary

I finally made an appointment to talk to somebody in my local church, today. The networking opportunities that will be available to me if I start attending will be invaluable, so I feel I've got to take advantage of them. I'm not much of a religious person, but I used to be. Anyway, I don't want to talk about religion in my diary other than through private notes.

My former "sister" Margret texted me some information about a call center job for a big bank the other day. It feels wrong somehow to refer to her or even think of her as ever being my sister, since I've had a serious crush on her since she was a teenager. Now she's 27 or so, and with a kid to boot. Her son seems like a really nice kid, although he's a bit on the wild side. Margret is from Micronesia. She has beautiful brown skin and long black hair and a lovely smile. Anyway, I applied for the job she told me about. Hopefully our knowing each other will give me a leg up in getting this job. I really need it, not just for the money, but for the sake of my sanity.

I've been going crazy and have been making terrible decisions for a long time now, and it's made me more and more unhappy. I'm at the point now where I can't stand it anymore. At least I'm drug free. I have no doubt whatsoever I would pass any drug test I may have to take for a job. Even though it's been forever since I'm been off the weed, it still feels like a big deal to me, being free from that. I still dream about it from time to time. That's good enough for me. I don't miss it when I'm awake.

I just need to find the best way to stop drinking. That's my main issue right now, I think, other than just not having a job. Willpower isn't a problem for me. I've got plenty of that. It's stupid, but I worry about withdrawal symptoms the most. That's the reason why I haven't stopped drinking already. I find that it's easy for me to not take the first drink, but once I decide to start drinking, it becomes difficult for me to be moderate about it. Anyway...I hope I can figure something out. If I can't come up with a good plan, I'll have to just risk the withdrawal symptoms and cold turkey it. I don't have insurance so I can't afford to go to a doctor, let alone a specialist, for advice.

Tonight I'm going over to my dad's house to watch some Enterprise. That'll be fun. I enjoy getting together with him. Last year we watched football. We'll probably do the same once the season starts up, whenever that is. It's hard for me to talk to him about anything serious. He seems unapproachable to me, in that way. Although maybe it's just me projecting that idea onto him. That's what Est would say, or the Forum, as it's called now. That seminar was really great except for this one particular part which was so cheesy I couldn't get into it. But if I ever feel I can talk to him about what I'm going through, I will. I don't really talk to anyone. That's part of my problem.

I need to get out more. Get out of my shell. Meet people, establish new friendships. People can believe whatever they want, it's none of my business, but I'd prefer different, less angry friends than I've had recently. Someone who doesn't put other people down for their beliefs, or lack thereof. It's not that hard to get along. Really, it isn't. It doesn't need to be, anyway.

I'm the part of the bird that's not in the sky. I can swim in the ocean and yet remain dry. What am I?

I feel like I want to write more, but I've run out of things to say. Some chicken noodle soup is the only thing I've eaten the past 24 hours, although I'm drinking Gatorade at the moment. My dad and I will have dinner in a couple hours. I'm going to try and make it till then before I eat. Yesterday and all night last night I was too sick to eat. I'm not trying to starve myself or anything. But I needed to lose a pound or two anyway, so...well, I feel skinnier already. I'm just about back to normal, thankfully. No longer sick. There's a good chance my dad and I will have one of those take-and-bake pizzas tonight. I love those. I'm sort of addicted to them. Talking about food is making me hungry....I may have to scarf down a bagel before I head over to his house.

I hope all is well with all of you that read this. Take care, and be good to yourself.