Attorney in First entry

So today I saw the draft document for court. It laid everything out and made the argument for what we are trying to do. My wife called me repeatedly after I told her that I was not going to sign the document she wanted me to sign. Long story short it placed undue liability on me and could negatively effect me.later in the divorce. She feels I’m being vindictive. That’s not the case. The reality is that im.gojng to ensure I’m financially secure to provide for my children as she makes her impulsive decisions. I have to be the rock for my children. She told me today she is running out of money and I was going to force her to return to the house. She has nearly 3-5 k on her private credit card that has funded her affair. I tried to explain that was not my problem and she has removed my ability to make her a priority. I have to focus on the future of our kids and protecting them. The truth is I don’t want to cut her out of their lives in the least.
Today was a perfect example of why I don’t want them around her 50% of the time. The kids started arguing and instead of sorting through what happened she tried to send them to their room. Not necessarily a bad thing in my opinion. Let them cool down. The problem she doesn’t realize is she hasn’t been consistent in her discipline. My son argued and to make him go to his room, she told him she was going to throw away his birthday presents he opened this morning. He started going and yelling even louder and the chaos grew. Then she calls me at work saying it was all my fault.

I set up a ring indoor camera. I want to watching back doors to make sure she doesn’t try to bring her boyfriend Tommy house while I’m not here. It also provides security for the house. My son asked her why input up a camera. She told him it was because I was a psycho. I asked him how that made him feel and he said he was angry with her because that’s not very nice. I told him to show her grace because she is dealing with a lot and she loves him and needs a lot of love right now. The steps she’s taking is going to drive a wedge between her and the kids and she doesnt even see it. As my daughter prayed she thanked God mommy and daddy were eating dinner with her. All she (my daughter) talks about his doing family things. My wife is missing the boat. The children are hurting right in front of her and because she is angry with me, she is blinded to it. I have to keep going though. I can’t stop. If my attorney tells me she feels it’s ok to sign the form, I will sign it, but if not, I will not change my position. She unplugged the camera and said she would not leave it plugged up as long as she was here.

My wife is meeting with an attorney tomorrow for a consultation. I told her that’s probably a good idea. She said it’s stupid and I’m making her spend unnecessary money. The reality is I think she needs a mental evaluation. Let an expert evaluate her and say she is.making wise and rational decisions. I’ve told her and stand by it, I’ll gladly take one as well if she feels I’m not acting rationally.

We had someone come looking at the truck. They offered me 24k. We listed forn 29800. I told them the absolute lowest inwould go is 27k. He offer 25. My wife stems off and said that I went too low. Then before she leaves she says she wished I would have just take the 24k so she could be finished with me. After dinner I looked at her, we made eye contact. She had her hand on her head and changed it to giving me the middle finger. I felt it was childish and perfectly represented her behavior through all of this.

She asked to talk to me before she left. She asked if she put the money she withdrew into her retirement account, would i sign the document. I told her I would consult my attorney and see what she says. I don’t see what good that will do. I see too much risk. What stops her from withdrawing it again and I’m back where I would be at if I sign it now.

One day at a time. That’s all I can deal with. I feel strong. I feel like I know what I need to do. I still don’t want to do it, but it has to happen. As soon as she gets served she is going to come unglued. She is on and off the rails, but as I told her today let her boyfriend figure out how to make it right. I’m focused on my kids. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Part of me fears that she comes back and plays me to get what she’s looking for and tries to position herself for another run. I think if she came back, I would expect her to seek counseling by herself and eventually for us to seek counseling together to actually work through our challenges. But that doesn’t seem possible at this time unfortunately.

I asked someone today at what point does your heart let go? I’ve been married since I was 20. Other people have never been an option for me in any type of real possibility. Even when I had reached a point to where I was ready to walk away, I couldn’t seriously picture myself with anyone else. Through all of this, I want her to come back. Hell, who knows what tomorrow holds.