Things are not exactly out of my control. I can’t let myself feel this way. I am starting to feel sad and I don’t want to commit that. I can literally just decide to feel bliss. Somehow, someway. I haven’t experienced that since around this time last year. Love, pure love. Like the universe was on my side. It never lasted but it was amazing. I started to tackle my life today. Nothing big because I have it all broken down into small doable pieces so that I don’t feel overwhelmed. When things start to feel too complex I shutdown but I sat my gay ass down and faced the music. I have a pile of places that I am going to apply at first thing in the morning. I think that is what is triggering me. My mind has the habit of emotionally preparing me for the worst and I can’t let it win. I don’t want to feel afraid and hopeless here.
My niece and I are going to have a movie night shortly. I should go play some dance music and shake the stress away. Maybe it was the wine from yesterday? I haven’t had any since my birthday in January. Blah. Just needed to vent. The lyrics to this one are my current anthem.