Busted in First entry

So, everything is coming to light. I realize now how this has happened. There are sptill many many questions I want answered, but now I have proof of a lot of what I suspected.
I want to start with addressing all of the people that told me just get ready for a divorce, pointed fingers at me and were very direct. I’m sorry I was in a lot of pain and I hurt. I’ve finally processed the grief. I’ve drawn closer to God. I never expected to be living the Bible in this way. I feel like Job. Each day brings more information that makes it more complicated, but makes everything make sense. I feel like Hosea. My wife continually had forsaken me and I have tried to keep a heart of forgiveness. I think about the rest of the Gospel. Boasting in my weakness because, God is strong, or I’m ready to pick up my cross and bear it and endure the pain I have coming. I have to keep my eye on God to get through this.

Next, my father in law passed from Covid 19 yesterday. I’m so angry at my wife. I repeatedly asked her to come home, but the kept saying she just wanted to be alone. I had to endure it with a smile in front of my kids as I had to hide in a closet to cry and process my emotions because she didn’t want me to tell them without her. What you don’t understand is that’s the only man I’ve ever viewed as a father to me. I called him in may and told him about all of this stuff with her when it started. I had him promise me he wouldn’t tell her I had talked to him. He held up his end and never said a word. He told me that even if she decided to leave me, I was as much his son as she was his daughter and he loved us both. He would call and check on things. Through June, they were amazing. I could tell he wanted to talk to her he would always push the fact he promised and he hadn’t said anything. Maybe I should have had him tall to her, but I dont think even he could overcome the poison of my wife’s boyfriend. My father in law was an amazing man and I’ll always value his guidance and mentorship.

Now, I don’t what my last entry was about but I’m going to take it from when I was laid up in the bed. I spent a day to work through emotions and healing my hurt. Naturally I couldn’t just do it straight because my wife has left me here with the kids and I had to feed and water them. But I finally allowed myself to cry and release the pain. It was very liberating. I gave myself permission to just hurt for the day. I cried more within those hours, than I have in the last 15 years. I finally got my footing and it’s not on her, I have realized that I may have contributed to her initially feeling curious, but her actions since then are solely her responsibility. They have been her choices. She is broken. The woman I see right now is not my wife. There are so many things that are out of character for her. She hasn’t come around but for maybe an hour at a time and that may be every other day. The lying is getting worse. I’ve repeatedly asked if she was doing something with a guy and she said no. The most vile was her trip to Arizona.

She asked me to come home early. I thought that she was ready to talk. Then she said she had to go somewhere and I couldn’t ask where. I figured she was going to her family and didn’t want to argue about it. I had told her I love and trust her if she needed to be with her family, I understand and support her. Then she calls and said her dad was in the ICU. She was gone by the time I got home. The next morning she texts and says she stayed at her brother’s house and she was going to go help her mom. That she didn’t know where she was going when she left the house, but when she got the text about her dad, she knew where she had to be. Unfortunately her brother and I talked the next day as I was checking in to see how he was holding up. Turns out she spent a couple hours with her mom, but was staying the rest of all the time with her boyfriend. On her way home she sends me this text that she has already rented a house and she knows I dont understand but i have to accept it. When i confronted her about the initial plan, she admits the whole time she was planning on going to see her boyfriend. She used her dad’s deathbed as a cover up for her affair. Oh then irony of the situation.

Its late/early. I need sleep. I’ll post more tomorrow. Just know, this thing gets way way worse before I’m finiah

Last updated July 13, 2020