I need to stop being in love. Especially with Him.
I reaches out to him to help me with something. We communicated on Twitter recently, but of course when we are in public all we can do is crack jokes.
I asked him a question and all he said was, “…What is it that I can do for you, Lover?” My stupid self got all squishy on the inside. I then I thanked him for always being at the ready for me and I loved that about him.
After a few moments of quiet time with him in my head, I realized that I either got him like that, or that’s the kind of man he is. Which, I know it’s both. I said I never want to use him like my genie in a bottle, though I do like rubbing on him. I had to break it by saying I do like rubbing on you though. Lol
I then (to be read again ::eye roll::) launched into thoughts of if I really love him and what are my motivations. Am I being a brat because I can’t have him? I mean I could, but it’s not right.
I really do want to move on, but my heart lags behind.
He is my joy.
He is my sorrow.
He is my heart.
He is my hindrance.
I don’t know if it’s the lonely that makes me miss him, or the him that makes me miss him.
I know better, but he just…
I keep saying I’m not going to do this, but end up right back here…
“Heaven help me talk to strangers, Heaven help me over you.”