Semi-Peace in First entry

Today was a better day. I’m finally past wanting to die. I am thankful that I have people to reach out to to when I feel hopeless. I have started to accept that I am not in control in my situation. I’m in the dip. Meaning things were good and now they went backwards. I am going to continue to focus on being the best me that I can be. Looking back, I feel my loss of control was because how I percieved things one way and the situation was different. I will continue to grow as a man. If she stays I will love her until the day I die. If she chooses to go, I will have to love my children as much as possible, but I will still love her.

This is the greatest pain I’ve ever faced. I feel like I’d rather be in Iraq, fighting terrorists and helping people. I am trying to find strength and resolution.

Today I tried to pull back. I wanted to give her space. I’m confused because she continues to tell me loves me. She doesn’t have to, but she continues to say it. I am afraid for her. I feel she is lost and I just want to save her. I realize there’s nothing I can do but love her and wait for her to come home.