16 Seconds on Therapy in Reconstruction

  • June 26, 2020, 5:22 p.m.
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AFTER one session, so far I like my therapist. Typically when I discuss service and my life to this point… I hear all sorts of shit about wanting to control others or narcissism or things of that nature. Which doesn’t help. Because… frankly, my line of work? Any sane person would WANT to control their actions. You see people intentionally ruin their lives for 8 hours a day 40 hours a week… that is a sane reaction. And does not help me get to whatever issue has been plaguing me for most of my life. This therapist was different.

After the obvious and inevitable statement of, “The issue seems to be that you need to secure your mask before you help others with theirs.” Shit… EVERYONE who knows me (even you) knows that is my issue. But knowing that doesn’t actually address it. We… we may have this time. Because we got past the damned analogy. Since I obviously know “secure your mask before helping others”… what is the issue? The issue? While logically I understand that I need to secure my mask… the reality? I couldn’t live with myself. If I secured my mask while others died… I couldn’t take it. I would rather die helping other people with their masks than ever put on my own. And instead of the therapist citing some “hero complex” or “need to control”… she hit the bullseye in one shot. After I said what I did about helping others with their masks? She said:

So what I’m hearing is that you don’t think you’re worth much.

And I hate to admit it… but she’s right. My constant need to serve others? I wish it was heroism. I wish it was narcissism and a need to control other people. But it isn’t. The plain painful truth is… I serve others becuase… while I may think I was raised better or had more privileges or more culture/class… the truth is… I don’t see myself as particularly worth much. And maybe, if I am very lucky, serving other people might make my life mean something.

There is no way if knowing Imid this therapy will help me with that. But at least we’re starting on the right foot.


Mamie June 26, 2020

wow that sounds like a major break thru. I hope it helps you to then question why you don't value yourself so that you can grow and heal what needs healing for you to feel worthy of being saved

stargazing June 26, 2020

I'm glad it's a good start.

Pretend Mulling June 26, 2020

That’s a good start!

hippiechica15 June 26, 2020

YES that is a great place to start!

DE_KentuckyGirl June 26, 2020 (edited June 26, 2020)

Edited

I am similar in some ways but followed Dr. Henry Cloud since the 90s, and he is a huge boundary advocate. His advice over the years taught me a lot.

You will likely never get rid of that nagging little voice in your head demanding you continue to pour your cup out completely to fill up other's.

I'm glad you're in therapy. I'd also recommend the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud.

chocolatechip June 26, 2020

I began seeing a therapist at the tender age of 26. I am now 59, and still consult w/ a therapist. They will not steer you wrong. Their job is to get to the root of the problem, get you back on track and keep you on track. That is where YOU come in. Take their advice because they are the professional. I do not know if you have a formal psychiatric diagnosis, but I would basically follow up on what it is that they suggest. Keep your appointments. Take your medication as prescribed. If for any reason you feel the need to stop taking your medication regimen, let the prescriber know as quickly as possible. This is extremely important. Good luck to you.

DimMeOut June 27, 2020

I can see where she would say that...
I'm glad you like your therapist. That's important, because if you didn't you probably wouldn't open up much. Hope therapy helps a lot and you start feeling much better about yourself and becoming happier soon. ♥

Purple Dawn June 28, 2020

I'm glad you met a therapist you like :)

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